Vintage wisdom

Janet Kay, don’t get your bowels in an uproar.

I hear my mother’s voice from time to time. She used that southern expression whenever she knew I was upset about something and was allowing my emotions to get the best of me.

I looked up the meaning of that expression, and it was described as emotional turbulence. Oh, how well I know what emotional turbulence feels like.

I’ve been reading Jennie Allen’s book Untangle Your Emotions: Naming How You Feel and Knowing What To Do About It. When I finish, it will go on my TBRA stack. (To be read again.)

Jennie talks about releasing your emotions but in the right way. My thoughts aren’t quite as eloquent as hers. I hope to handle my emotions in a way that doesn’t cause me to blow a gasket or pop a hemorrhoid.

In my ongoing quest to gain vintage wisdom, I have gathered these thoughts when I am invited into an argument or feel slammed by someone’s hurtful comment.

#1. Pick my battles. Will this emotional turbulence matter in five years? First and foremost, on the horizon of an emotional struggle is … who I am dealing with. Consider the source, their intentions, and what I can actually do about the point of contention.

#2 Consider the poke. Some people are pokers. They point their sharp comments right at me. They know my soft spot and try to aim and poke with verbal jabs and even a few eye shots that say, “Now, what are you going to do with that comment?”

#3 Lead me to refrain from reacting. Be slow to respond. This is hard. I want to come back with an equally sharp comment. If I’m honest, I might want to say, “Have you ever read Matthew 7:5? Look that up!” or “I don’t think you meant to hurt me, did you?”

#4 Be silent. I realize that one of my greatest weapons in an emotionally turbulent situation is … SILENCE. The person who has verbally assaulted me has no place to go with their invitation to an argument if I am not willing to engage in toxic banter. It can be pretty satisfying to smile and bid them a pfft adieu. Pfft is used to refer to a sudden ending or fizzling out. I like that phrase.

#5 Declining the invitation to an argument or engaging in a war of words with sharp opinions may be hard but wise. Do I really think the poker will listen to my thoughts? No. They have their tongues armed and emotionally dangerous. Their ears are like hatches battened down and fortressed. Too bad they cannot read my thoughts as I walk away.

I haven’t finished Jennie’s book, but I hope it will teach me how not to carry the hurt that someone’s words have caused me. That’s even more difficult.

I have learned that people often hurt others because they are hurting. It does not make it right. Read that again.

Some people need a knot jerked in their tail, as my mother would say. While I would like to do just that, it is not my call of duty. There is a time to speak up and a time to refrain from doing so. I pray I have the wisdom to know which one I should do.

I pray for wisdom and for strength not to say or do what I really want to say or do. Speaking from a place of hurt is never wise.

I still hear Mom’s voice, giving me wise advice. I sure miss sitting with her and hearing her voice. She knew all too well what it felt like to want to jerk a knot in someone’s tail. She taught me that walking away from someone can actually give a bit of a jerk. Audrey was quite the clever but oh-so-wise lady.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.