It’s about forgiveness

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” – Oprah Winfrey

Last week, readers were introduced to my great-nephew Trevor’s dog, Mater, owned by both Trevor and his fiancée Mikayla. I’ve been chatting frequently with the two of them this year about their October wedding.

One conversation a couple months ago revolved around forgiveness. I explained to Trevor and Mikayla there would be times in their future marriage where they would have arguments. Moments where they wouldn’t like each other. Typical hard situations married people always encounter.

“Guys, if there’s one thing I want you to remember after all our talks, please hold on to this – offering forgiveness is the greatest step towards peace,” I said, “And I mean the peace of the one doing the forgiving!”

Fast forward to last week. My husband John and I have been working with a friend on a project for the past eight months. We think the world of this person. Overall, they did a fabulous job and were mostly done after three months. However, they left a handful of important things unfinished.

Back in January, I wasn’t worried. “It’ll be fine … they’ll be done soon.” I reassured John. He wasn’t as certain. Our friend kept telling us things wouldn’t be completed at the last minute.

As the months continued, we noticed the tasks weren’t getting done. I had confidence in this friend and defended them when John raised his doubts. The tension began to rise in our household, especially as the mid-May deadline approached. This tension contributed to my meltdown last month.

When this person was still working on things just two days before the deadline, I was a mess. I was hurt because I had defended them repeatedly, to the point where I cried. All the tasks did get completed – but boy, was it close.

I was angry. I had more anger than I’d felt in years towards someone. John, surprisingly, forgave them quickly. He even prayed with me and asked God to help us give our friend grace.

The procrastination was hard for me to understand, as I’ve always been a planner. I was seething. But a week ago, I woke up with an image in my head. It was a giant barbell sitting on my shoulders. I knew the barbell represented my anger and stubbornness about forgiving our friend.

I pictured myself forgiving them, and watched the barbell slowly rise from my shoulders. God was telling me something, loud and clear. How could I not forgive our friend when I had told Trevor and Mikayla to forgive one another after future arguments?

As of this writing, I haven’t seen our friend. But I know when I do, I’m going to smile, wrap them in a hug, and say “Hey … you did a great job. All is well. Thank you for everything. We appreciate you.”

I look forward to the weight rising from my shoulders and that incredible peace.

Amy Shankland is an empty-nester, writer, and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John and two dogs. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.