Getting to know you

I’m blessed with an incredible church family. I look forward to seeing them every week. One wonderful man, whom I’ll call “Alan,” makes me smile whenever I see him. But not for any reasons you may think.

Alan and I are lectors – or readers – in the Catholic church. This means we read the first or second readings during the service along with something called the Universal Prayers and the general announcements. Two of us normally volunteer each time, although if a reader can’t make it, one of us can cover everything. Our training told us to always be ready for both readings.

When I first met Alan a few years ago, he kind of scared me. Whenever we would both go to sign in to show we were there to volunteer, he would scowl and we’d have the same brief conversation.

“I don’t really think you’re the second reader,” Alan would say.

“Oh … but that’s what I’m listed as right here and on the schedule that’s sent out every quarter,” I would reply.

“Yes, I know … but according to the app, I’m the second reader.”

“Oh … I don’t have that yet … I just prepare both readings and figure I’ll do whatever they need,” I would say sheepishly, “But if you want me to be the first reader, I’ll be happy to do it.”

Alan would then begrudgingly say he’d do the first reading (in his British accent that always intimidated me.) I would later come home and see my husband John and say, “Alan hates me.” I was determined to change the situation.

I first downloaded the app and figured I’d follow what it said over anything else. When I saw I was volunteering with Alan a few weeks later, I vowed I’d get things right. So, when I saw Alan that Saturday evening, I cheerfully announced, “Okay, I’m the second reader, and you’re the first – right?” He smiled and nodded.

What happened next surprised me. We stood and talked for a while. I learned he was a solo churchgoer like me. Alan has also been taking care of his wife, who is mostly homebound due to health issues, for a few years. Due to her situation, she is no longer able to attend church.

The more we both volunteered together, the more I got to know Alan. I discovered he has a great sense of humor. He surprised his wife by converting to Catholicism decades ago before their wedding. Alan also agreed to be interviewed for my new book, Happy and Solo at Church – Light Your Fire and Worship with Joy.

This got me thinking. I approached Alan after church one evening with a question.

“Would you and your wife like a homemade lasagna delivered to your house some evening?” His eyebrows lifted in surprise, and he slowly smiled.

“Why, yes,” he responded, in the accent I have now grown to love, “That would be delightful.”

I was honored to deliver a lasagna to Alan’s house a few weeks later and get to know his beautiful wife. I wished I could have stayed longer, as she’s one of the best listeners I’ve ever met.

Now, I look forward to seeing Alan each week. He’s a terrific reader, and a snappy dresser – he often wears a pink sport coat and tie and looks like something from a GQ magazine cover. Alan even joked with me about arm wrestling to take back the book of gospels after mass last Saturday.

As I left that evening, I laughed to myself. What a dramatic difference in our interactions. First impressions are so often wrong. I’m thrilled I got to know Alan.

If there’s someone in your life you don’t know well whom you feel isn’t a fan of yours, try getting to know them a bit better. Show ‘em a little love and care. You may surprise yourself and make a new friend.

Amy Shankland is an empty-nester, writer, and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John and two dogs. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.