Words matter

March 2, 2002, God, I feel as if I have begun a new journey…

I had no idea where those words I wrote all those many years ago would take me. They were the first words I ever wrote in a journal.

Now, some 20 years later, I am looking through journal after journal. So many words. What a journey I have traveled. I have joked that my daughter, Emily, might need to burn some of them upon my death.

I read words of anticipation. Words of trepidation. Words of hurt. Words that make me laugh. Words that make me want to cry. Words that would eventually find their way into a book … and now, another one.

The words tell of a life that has turned out, not as I had planned but one that is steeped in God’s promises and his divine interventions.

Jehovah Jireh … the Lord will provide.

I had no idea of the friendships He would bring into my life. Divine appointments are what I call them.

Photo provided

Corinne gave me spiritual direction and held me accountable as I stumbled along my spiritual journey.

Julie taught the first Bible Study that I attended. Lord Heal My Hurts by Kay Arthur took me to a safe place where my heart could heal.

Jay taught me the car business. He gave me a crash course in how to work and make deals in a man’s world. It was not an easy task for a well-seasoned car guy to teach the Church Lady.

Patrice loved me through every hurt as well as every joy. If we only had a dollar for every tear that was shed and every burst of laughter that happened.

Kathy reminded me that being an only child does not mean you will be lonely. We have shared life quite well.

Joan and Linda brought so much laughter into my life. Oh, do we have stories to tell … and not to tell.

Donna took this scared writer under her editing wing and helped me bring forth a published book. Her gentle edits made my writing ramblings make sense. They say that a writer must find her voice. She helped me find mine.

And then, of course, there is Chuck who has loved me well, despite my brokenness and tendency to talk … a lot. He has shown me what it is like to be cherished.

The words I wrote in the journals, all those many years ago, hold such significance today. I see how the woman I was back then is so different from the woman I am today. I see how God had a plan. He had a story to write … my story.

Allowing God to hold my pen has not been easy. I wanted to change the script. I wanted to control the plot. I wanted the story to fast-forward.

All these years I have held onto God’s word as promises to me personally. I believed He would give me the desires of my heart. I believed He would be close to me when I feared what tomorrow would bring. I believed He would provide for me when juggling the numbers in my checkbook was more difficult than figuring out numbers in Sudoku. Believing is not always easy.

My journey refined me, and a woman of great faith was formed. I’ll never apologize for my faith. I’ll stand firm in my faith.

I’m still writing in my journals. I love a pretty journal. It’s my therapy. Again, I need to remind Emily to burn them after my final words are written.

Life still has its times when the words are written from great fear, worry, grief, and hurt. It’s just life. My faith does not protect me from pain. It provides both a balm and healing. My faith gives me a soft place to land after I am shoved into the moments when I gasp for strength as I enter the dark valleys of life. My faith sustains me and gives me a strong foundation when the gusty winds of discouragement wreak havoc in my mind.

But … there is so much joy found in those journals. Even in the hard times, I was able to find joy.

My words have been spread to communities and to people I never thought would read them. I never thought my words would matter.

Who knew in March of 2002 that I would still be writing words today? Even more unbelievable to me is that people would be reading them.

God is still writing chapters. I’m still trusting Him with my pen. There are words to write and stories that will be told.

Stay tuned.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.