I met my friend Rainey in middle school. Throughout the years, we have been through a lot of life together. In high school, she didn’t miss a beat and helped me so much after a major surgery our senior year. We were college roommates and she has always been one of my most supportive friends. I love her dearly.
Four years ago, she shared with me that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. While a multitude of emotions ran through me, all I wanted to do was show her the same support she always has shown me. Rainey is one of the strongest women I know, and I am proud to call her a friend.
During her diagnosis and treatment time, she shared some thoughts with me about my disability. Throughout her battle, she was able to relate to me in ways she never could before.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and I want to highlight, support, and respect those who have battled or are battling this disease. Disability can happen to anyone at any time.
Her diagnosis came as many do, a complete shock. She was on a college visit with one of her sons when she opened up her MyChart message and saw the word, “carcinoma.” In the months that followed, she had countless doctor’s appointments, followed by a bilateral mastectomy. From there, it was a long and grueling road to recovery.
She feels “lucky” that her cancer was caught at the earliest detection point possible. As a nurse, she had put off her mammogram for two years because of life and all that comes with working and raising children. She put her health on the back burner as many women do, and now she works to advocate for regular mammograms, and women prioritizing their health.
After her surgery, she lost many abilities due to minimal range of motion in her arms. She had to adapt and rely on others during this time. She and I had several conversations during this time about her loss of independence and how she felt lonely, even though she had a wonderful support system.
She was determined to not miss a moment of her kids’ activities and school events, even on the toughest days. She went to a school events in a wheelchair and reached out to me sharing her thoughts on those experiences.
“I thought about you a lot on those days. It was like a day in the life of Amy. I remember my son pushing me through crowded high school hallways and stopping to talk to people who seemed unaware of my presence. I was not always included in the conversations above me except for a brief, Hey, good to see you out and about! Feeling, ok? Sometimes those talking around me would turn the conversation away from me and I was left in the wheelchair facing a wall.”
When I asked her if her perspective shifted or changed in the way she views disabilities or chronic illness since her diagnosis and fight against breast cancer, this is what she said:
“Yes, thanks to you. I was minimizing my experience by saying things like, it could be a lot worse, or I am lucky I don’t need chemo. That’s true, and I have a cousin who was diagnosed with more advanced breast cancer than mine on the day of my mastectomy. She had a much harder and longer fight than me. I told myself I was never going to feel sorry for myself again because I had it easy compared to her. I remember telling you that and you stopped me right away and told me it is ok to feel bad about what was happening to me. You told me it could be worse, but it could be a lot better, too. Thank you for that important lesson, friend. You have no idea how much that helped me come to terms with my diagnosis and the loss I felt.”
After her cancer diagnosis, Rainey (left) ran the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon with Amy and Jamie Shinneman. (Photo provided by Amy Shinneman)
Finally, I asked her if her diagnosis changed the way she views me and my disability. She said, “As adults, you have taught me so much about the parts of people’s lives we don’t see and how challenges can become opportunities. You are a realist and an optimist at the same time when you write and talk about your disability, and that is exactly what I needed to inspire me to get through my battle with cancer and to encourage me to try and help others through theirs.”
Rainey ran in support of Humbly Courageous shortly after her diagnosis (which was truly remarkable), and before her surgery. She also ran with us at the last Indianapolis Mini- Marathon. She said if there is one thing that her battle with cancer taught her it is that “life is a gift, no matter how hard it can be at times.”
For my full “interview” with Rainey, please visit my website, humblycourageous.org.
Until next time…
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, freelance writer, wife, and mom of two boys. She is the recipient of The Reporter’s Winter 2025 Ink-Stained Wretch award. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.org and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.
Be the first to comment on "Life is a gift"