One of my biggest downfalls growing up, and into my adult years, is that I think that I can read people’s minds. I tend to assume I know what others are thinking about me and my disability.
I have had and continue to have enough negative experiences to “justify” that I can guess that many people have a negative first impression of me before we even meet.
It is not fair for me to form negative opinions of others before I really know what they are thinking, but I do still fight this urge.
On a recent family vacation, I had an unfortunate incident in the ocean. I have been in the ocean all throughout my life, usually with help getting in and out. Once I am past the waves, I can swim. This trip I wanted to get in the water with my family, my husband and son on either side of me supporting me.
What happened next was unexpected. No matter how hard I tried I could not keep my legs under me. They kept buckling and I was like a limp noodle, completely dependent on them to keep me up. It took us all by surprise.
In between the pounding of the waves and holding onto my husband’s neck for dear life, I noticed a crowd forming at the shore. Okay, more like two or three people, but they were laser-focused on us, which did not help me.
I got into my head and assumed I knew what they were thinking – that I had been drinking and could not keep myself up. I thought this because I have been accused of this very thing many times. They were likely just concerned.
They continued to stare as they finally got me out of the water, my body in a state of complete exhaustion. I had put on quite a show for those who were interested.
In that moment, I felt so embarrassed and incompetent and wished the ground would open and swallow me whole.
I realize a few of my most recent columns have been about unfortunate public interactions surrounding my disability. At first, I thought I should not write several columns in a row about these negative interactions. I caught myself wanting to portray a life that is all sunshine and rainbows.
Blocking my own authenticity.
This is my real life, and it shows a true picture of why it is hard to get out from under the negative opinions or “assumptions” of others.
In another recent incident at church, my husband and son were standing at the back of our car after loading me and my wheelchair into the car. They were saying goodbye, as my son had driven separately. A man walked up to them, and I heard him say to them, “Something is very wrong with this picture.”
Confused my husband said, “Excuse me?” He said, “Look at the two of you, you do not look like you need this parking space.” Immediately, I was overwhelmed with sadness, anger, and frustration.
My husband explained to him that his disabled wife was in the car. Still skeptical, he said “okay” and walked away.
There are no words that can accurately explain how it makes me feel to have spent an entire life in a disabled body and still have that in question on a regular basis. My family included.
It is exhausting. It makes it hard to not think I can read people’s minds and assume that they have a negative opinion about me when things like this happen so often.
I realize that he was likely looking out for disabled people, but his delivery lacked education. There are some disabilities that are not visible. You never know what someone is dealing with that you cannot see.
I keep writing about disabilities to do my part to educate others that things are not always as they seem. It is good practice for all of us to learn more about one another.
Negative words and experiences can have a profound and lasting effect. It helps if we take the time to listen and learn from others who are different than we are. We all deserve to live authentically.
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, freelance writer, wife, and mom of two boys. She is the recipient of the Reporter’s Winter 2025 Ink-Stained Wretch award. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.org and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.
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