Round one of holiday madness is behind us. I love the holidays, but my goodness the work that goes into one meal is astonishing! I was fortunate to have a lot of help in the kitchen this year from my oldest son and his girlfriend. I truly could not have done my part of the big family meal without them.
In the past, I confused saying something is hard as also saying I am not thankful for that thing.
Now, I understand that is not true. Just because I admit that something is difficult for me, like walking or any physical activity, really, that does not mean that I am not grateful to be able to do said thing.
As my weakness progresses, it is more important than ever to find a productive balance. It is pointless for me to run myself into the ground, not listening to the cues my body is giving me to take a break.
When I ignore these cues, I pay dearly. One way or another, my body is going to get that rest, whether it is by choice or forced. I am getting smarter and more often making it my choice.
Finding balance is not easy when others are depending on you to pull your weight. It is extremely difficult for me to say, “I am sorry, I am not going to be able to do that anymore.” In fact, it is a sentence that I have a tough time releasing from my mouth.
Setting boundaries surrounding my physical limitations is not something I have excelled at throughout my life. I have chosen silent suffering more than I have spoken up for myself. So much silent suffering because I fear my truth may be misinterpreted.
I fear the judgment will be heavy, and the dreaded label of lazy permanently attached to my character. It is not easy for me to share that, but it is true.
I see others who live with disabilities do the same thing. They struggle to find the courage to share their truth for fear of deeper marginalization. Living with a disability, that happens enough without bringing it on ourselves.
More than that, it is admitting it to myself. I too must face the truth and avoid judgment from myself. A lot of the time we are our own worst critics.
No one is going to step in and balance my act. It is up to me, to do that for myself. It is up to me to be brave enough to let some of that independence go that I have a death grip on.
Releasing what does not serve me well anymore, will clear up space for me to focus on the things I can still do. My strengths that I bring to the table will have to shift a bit.
Just as I must adjust to a new normal, others who choose to be a part of my life will have to do that too.
Finding balance in an unbalanced world can be challenging, but we all deserve to be able to speak our truth.
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, freelance writer, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.