This I know

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Without empathy shown to me throughout my lifetime, I am not sure I would still be here today.

I have had a lot of different emotions and actions directed towards me in reference to my disability. Some on that list are pity, anger, compassion, confusion, disgust, heartbreak, and this list goes on. I have also been shown a lot of love and an attempt to understand how I feel.

Empathy is more than just an emotion directed towards me. It is far more complex and involves a deeper level of another human taking the time to understand the hardship of another. It involves an attempt to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Although we cannot always understand the pain and suffering of another, we can try to understand the best we can.

Empathy is showing a unique interest in diving deeper into someone else’s perspective. It is selfless. I believe most are capable of some level of empathy, but I do not think all humans are interested in empathy.

I do not remember exactly when I first heard of the “ugly laws,” but I do remember how I felt when I learned about them. I felt extremely violated and saddened as a person with a disability learning of these laws that existed here in the U.S., including in Indiana.

The “ugly laws” targeted visibly disabled people (like me). The purpose of these laws, which were present in various cities and states across the United States until the last was repealed in 1974 (the year I was born), was to keep those with visible disabilities out of the public eye.

This was just 16 years before the Americans with Disabilities Act was signed into law, prohibiting discrimination based on disability.

It is hard to wrap my brain around the fact that there were laws that discriminated against my appearance as a person with a disability. Just for existing the way I was born.

At times, when I am in public, the looks I get make me feel like I should not be in public. Mean things are sometimes said to me about my disability. I know I am not alone, as I have heard countless stories throughout my lifetime about how those with disabilities are one of many groups who are still (despite the ADA) discriminated against.

I have had many family and friends express empathy towards me while either seeing or hearing of some of my discriminating experiences. This is not some fabrication of my imagination. I have plenty of witnesses, including my children.

In times like those, that defeat me on a level that is impossible to explain, I would be lost without empathy from others. These experiences take a huge mental toll and are sometimes extremely hard to overcome. Not so much now, but certainly when I was younger, these interactions left me wishing that I were anyone but myself. I often wished myself away.

Today, I can see beyond the experience and live in confidence that I am who I am supposed to be. I know that I am worthy of all the life experiences that anyone else is.

I believe the reason I was ever able to get to this place is due to the empathy shown to me during these horrific times.

Recently, I have been reading The Choice: Embrace the Possible by Dr. Edith Eva Eger. If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it. In the book, she illustrates what it looks like to choose life and healing despite extreme hardship. My hardship is nothing like hers, but through her book, I have developed a greater understanding of what that looks like.

In closing I will share a quote from her book, “Maybe every life is a study of the things we don’t have but wish we did, and the things we have but wish we didn’t. It took me many decades to discover that I could come at my life with a different question. Not: Why did I live? But: What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?”

Like Dr. Eger, it took me many decades to change the question I asked myself. It was only then, that my life began to change.

There will always be those who discriminate against me because of my disability, no matter what. I cannot stop that. What I know is that through the power of empathy, I can live knowing that there are many who truly try to understand what life with a disability is like.

In return, I too make a point to try and put myself in other people’s shoes. I try to meet people where they are, not always getting it right, but that is always my intention.

Thank you, to all the wonderful empathetic people.

Until next time…

Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, freelance writer, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.