Isolation in retirement & the ladder

There are those among us that live alone throughout the year, but during the holidays, being “single” by any cause (divorce, or from the loss of a loved one … or even by choice) can still be especially tough, lonely, and down-right depressing.

I became a widow seven years ago after almost 40 years of marriage. The heartbreak of grief is not a journey I’d wish for anyone.

Let’s face it. Loss can be grueling whether from the loss of a friend, a family member, a partner, a pet, a job, a home … hurt can run deep! Despair can creep in and become overwhelming. Sometimes we’re thrown into a situation beyond our control or not by any of our own doing, but by the ways of this world. Yet … here we are.

And during the dark times, we can find ourselves in isolation. Even on days when we feel “okay,” we become … “eh.” Ambivalent towards life as we crawl our way back to “a new normal.”

(Oh, how I disliked that phrase! Not sure why. Maybe because it sounded like “work.” I was never “normal” to begin with! How can I go back to where I’ve never been in the first place?)

On the other hand, being occasionally isolated can be refreshing! I know that as a single person, I can drink directly out of my own milk carton if I like. I don’t need to be concerned about playing my music too loud, watching TV programs as the sole Supreme Commander over the remote control, and just walking around the house quite scantily if I choose to do so. I confess, I run outside to feed my birds sometimes wearing a purple top with green pajama bottoms and hot pink slippers. I’m not really eccentric. I’m … just … single and I am alone.

Or, am I?

Yes, we do seem to pray more about the topic of loneliness as the holidays approach. Being alone is one thing. Feeling lonely in isolation is quite another. Yet today, I experienced the surprising ways of God and I’d like to share this brief, true-life incident with you here. And it all happened right here in Noblesville, Indiana!

As a bit of background, I retired after working the past 60 years of my life. I wasn’t sure full retirement was meant for me. I sometimes felt lonely and “lost,” so I prayed quite a bit for God’s guidance, yet His answer always seemed to be the same. “Rest and receive deep joy.”

I prayed that I heard Him right … that He didn’t really mean, “Deep rest and receive joy.” I know this time clock isn’t in my hands, but God knows I’m not quite ready for the “deep rest” either. So again, I asked for guidance and wisdom to learn the path God now wants me to take in retirement.

I’m so very glad we have a patient God. He knows I can be a slow learner! I ask that He speak to me every day to show me the “new normal retirement” way. In fact, my relationship with Him has grown much deeper since becoming a widow. Jesus is my sparkle and my treasure, especially since reading Matthew 6:21, “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” (NLT)

This is not to say we must be single or old or anything else to have a relationship with our divine Creator. We just need a heart that’s open enough to receive Him and, at least for me, to be still enough to get close and to hear Him. We can do this through prayer. So again I prayed, what exactly is this “deep joy” He continues to tell me about? What next do I need to do to please God in my “new normal” of retirement?

God … do you hear my prayers in my isolation and loneliness?

Then I heard Him speak through the people at worship in Noblesville.

During the “Children’s Moment” by the altar, the Director of Children’s Ministries spoke to the numerous “wee ones” about forgiveness and how we must forgive to find our sparkle and joy.

(Wait … did she just say “sparkle and joy” through forgiveness?)

Then during the sermon, the youth director reflected on the gospel of Luke 1:68-79, also about forgiveness and “doing enough” for God. Wait … did he just say …?)

Then he used a 10-foot-tall ladder in the front of the sanctuary to repeatedly climb up and down, over and over again, to explain the up-and-down path of life while trying to earn God’s favor and salvation.

When he was “doing good” in life for God, he climbed up the ladder. When he wasn’t doing very well, he demonstrated by coming back down the ladder. I’d have to watch the YouTube re-runs of the sermon to find the exact number of times he climbed up and down that ladder, but he definitely wore himself out. Just like we do in our own lives.

We can become lonely or alone in isolation. We begin to feel the ambivalence, like we don’t matter. Like nobody cares. Like our prayers aren’t being heard or answered. “My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me” – especially during the holidays? (See Matthew 27:46, NIV.)

We can never climb that ladder high enough to earn our salvation or to fully meet perfection. We are human beings, not perfect, but always longing, always climbing. In fact, we don’t need to climb that ladder at all.

Then the pastor said it! God came down that ladder to be with us through Jesus Christ.

If you are lonely, afraid, worried, grieving, angry, bitter, carrying any burden at all, please talk to God about it. Pray to him in solitude. You will not feel isolated. The prayer doesn’t need to be fancy – just make it from the heart. And don’t give up. Unlike this world, God will never give up on you.

He hears every prayer, and every prayer is answered in His time and in His way. He will make your path clear for the glory of the Kingdom. You are God’s child, fully forgiven, and always loved.

Yes, I received deep joy today when I heard God speak through His people. How blessed we are to have a loving and caring God who wants to stay connected to us. He doesn’t like isolation either and we don’t need a ladder to reach Him. Just a prayer.

Rev. Bonnie Zickgraf is a retired pastor, registered nurse, electroplater, and podcaster. She continues to serve various preschool, youth, and adult ministries, including the Nurses’ Honor Guard for the State of Indiana. She loves to laugh, write, eat, and pray! Send comments to bonniezickgraf@gmail.com.