This column has had an empty nester focus over the past year or so. Well, more like five years, off and on. I’ve called myself an empty nester ever since my youngest son Jacob started attending Ball State University in the fall of 2020.
However, I’ve learned that stage was really an “empty nester in training” phase. Because if your youngest child is away at college, you know that they’ll be back home during vacations and breaks. Their room stays the same. It’s not quite as full, but it still has a bed, dresser, some clothes, etc.
Jacob graduated from Ball State in May of 2024 and moved back home. He once asked how long he could stay with my husband John and me. We told him he could take as long as he needed so he could save up to eventually move out … you know … like in 10 years or so.
See, John and I have loved being parents ever since our firstborn, Jonathon, came into the world almost 25 years ago. It’s not been all sunshine and roses. But overall, we’ve been blessed with two sons who are good human beings (and who make us laugh all the time.) We’re lucky that Jonathon has stayed right here in Noblesville and that we get to see him often.
When Jacob told us earlier this year that he’d be moving out in the summer, and that he was thinking of going to Chicago, we were … not thrilled. Grateful that it wasn’t further, but definitely not jumping up and down.
And when he changed his mind and decided to move to Bloomington instead, I was practically ecstatic. I graduated from Indiana University and love Bloomington. Jacob had been visiting his friend there for the past couple of years and figured it would be a great place for a young person to start out. This made me happy – I’ll take a 90-minute drive vs. a three-hour one anytime.
So, 10 days ago, Jacob moved out. Really, truly moved out … to the point where his room has absolutely nothing in it.
When Jonathon moved out four years ago, the sight of his empty room made my heart tumble. Last week, it plummeted. It didn’t help that I also came down with COVID last week, causing me to miss both helping Jacob move and attending a writer’s conference at Taylor University. My days were a mixture of tears and prayers.
Finally, last Sunday, I realized I wasn’t exhausted due to COVID anymore. I unpacked some things and put them back in the desk Jacob had been using over the past year. John and I looked at his old room and talked about painting it. And for the first time in a week, I didn’t cry.
Has everything been super hunky-dory since then? Nope. The house is way too quiet. There aren’t enough shoes in the laundry room near the back door. But I realized last Sunday that I will survive and that I can keep going. I know visiting will help.
In fact, we’re going to see Jacob and his girlfriend in Bloomington tomorrow, and I’m so excited. They both happened to move into the same apartment complex where I lived during my senior year at IU. It’s been remodeled, of course, but I look forward to seeing it again.
If you’re about to be a true empty nester, my advice is to hang in there. Keep praying and take extra good care of yourself. I promise that you’ll soon see that it’s not the end of the world and that this next stage of life will be okay.
Amy Shankland is a writer and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John, two sons, two dogs, and a cat. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.