Porch goose

I remember when I was a little girl, my mom had a porch goose. Like many women in the ‘80s, my mom would dress the goose up with seasonally appropriate outfits. It seemed like we had this thing for as long as I can remember. It was always there.

One day, my chocolate lab at the time, Jack, somehow was able to drag this thing to the ground and broke its neck – literally. I remember there was the body of the goose with the internal cable exposed from its neck and a very unhappy mom.

For whatever reason, the goose was not replaced. I think part of this was because my mom was mad that it happened in the first place and by the time it did happen, they were not “in” anymore like they were when she first got it.

Fast forward about 25 years and I’m happy to report that porch geese are back. These ‘kitschy’ things are popping up on porches all over the place. I know some people hate them. They think they are outdated and remind them of their tacky grandmother’s porch.

I used to love the one I had as a kid, and I’d be lying if I said that when I saw they were coming back that I wasn’t secretly eyeing one for my own porch.

I recently learned the background of porch geese from Martha Stewart. She wrote in a column recently that real geese were used in farm life to guard homes. “Real geese were kept as guard animals because of their protective instincts and that absolutely iconic honk. Geese were literally a farmer’s alarm system, protecting livestock, property, and people from foxes, hawks, coyotes, and human intruders alike.”

At some point, someone made a concrete mold and the rest is history. Throw a pilgrim hat on the thing at Thanksgiving and even better.

I mentioned in passing to my husband that I might want to get one, and he was not impressed with the idea. He said they are tacky.

I knew if I were to get one, mine would not be anything other than classy and fun. I wanted a traditional looking one that is NOT painted. I don’t like the painted geese nearly as well. You know how it is when you Google something one time and then you begin getting targeted ads for said item. Naturally, porch geese and outfits were popping up all over my social media feeds, and they were also showing up on Facebook Marketplace as suggested items for me. None of those stood out to me though. I told myself that if I get one, it has to be the right one and I will know it when I see it.

Our columnist decided her porch goose would be far classier than the ones of the long-ago 1980s. (Photo provided by Megan Rathz)

Well, the day came recently when I was in a Noblesville store called Rustic Root with my mom. I saw the perfect goose. It was unpainted and the perfect size. It was meant to be my goose.

My mom got her for me and now she sits on my own porch. I haven’t named her yet or bought any outfits. I must ease my husband into this before putting the string bikini that I have my eye on for her.

The truth is that these geese are a lot more than just a silly concrete statue your mom and grandma had a long time ago. They represent a point in time and childhood that was fun. It was simple. Things can be heavy and sometimes you just need something silly to lighten up your front porch.

Go get a porch goose. You won’t regret it.

Megan Rathz is a wife, mother, and teacher. She says everything she has ever learned in life came from her Master Gardener mother.