I was thrilled to be a part of the Noblesville High School Career Fair last fall. While I was there, I ran into a former co-worker of mine. This gentleman, whom I’ll call Nathaniel, is top-notch.
Somehow, we began discussing my upcoming book, Happy and Solo at Church. I was telling him how my life had drastically changed through writing it. He shared stories about his family’s church.
“My wife always lingers after the service and talks to people,” Nathaniel said, “But not me. I head straight for the parking lot.”
I smiled and nodded but didn’t comment. I wished I would have, because my heart ached a bit for him afterward.
If someone were to ask me what my top tip is from Happy and Solo at Church, it would be to create, build, and love on your church family. Once you start that process, you cease being alone at church and attend services because you want to, not because you have to.
Why do I use the phrase “church family” vs. “church friends”? Simply because, if we’re Christian, we all have the same Father.
My mom and dad, both good people, didn’t become part of a church family. We all went to Catholic mass each week but never arrived early or lingered afterwards to chat with people. We weren’t involved in any ministries. So, it’s not something that came naturally to me.
Once my church life changed drastically in the summer of 2020 thanks to my former priest’s help, I began to worship differently. I started arriving earlier and learning people’s names. I stopped waving each week to the (also solo) ladies across the aisle and began to sit with them instead.
I lingered after church to catch up with people and see how they were doing. My husband John and I invited our priests over for dinner in the summer of 2024, and we spent three hours on our back deck swapping stories and laughter. I signed up for more church activities, including our incredible pilgrimage to Italy last fall.
Think about it – if you’re a churchgoer, you probably see individuals at your place of worship more often than most of your friends. Why not build relationships with them?
I’ve changed since I found and formed my church family. There are more smiles, laughter, conversation, hugs, and prayer in my life. I often deliver lasagna or other meals to church family members. Most of all, I get to love on more people.
If you’re more of an introvert, that’s okay. Maybe your church family will include two or three people that you regularly sit with. That’s still better than you going to church alone not interacting with others week after week.
While my book focuses on solo church attendees, I believe building a church family helps families and couples, too. Which leads me back to Nathaniel.
If you’re a church goer and recognize yourself in this column, whether you’re Nathaniel or someone else, I hope you’ll build or grow your church family starting this week. It will drastically grow your happiness and worship experience.
Amy Shankland is an empty-nester, writer, and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John and two dogs. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.