Last week I was in the middle of a busy workday at home. As I was typing away, my phone had a notification that my car was ready to be picked up after its oil change.
I finished my task, then told my husband John, who was home between sales appointments, that I’d be back in about 15 minutes because I had to get my car. We’re fortunate that our mechanic is just a few blocks away and easy to walk to.
John looked up at me and said, “I’ll go get it.” My jaw dropped.
“Really?” I asked.
“Well … yeah … I’m not doing anything … and you’re working,” John replied. “Remember that whole ‘ask for help thing?’”
Oh … that.
Like a lot of women, I typically have multiple things going on at once in my life. As I shared in my Lighten Your Mental Load series, most of us have a lot of “tabs” open in their brain. We constantly juggle a bunch of stuff.
Also like a lot of women, I struggle to ask for help. I even admitted that to John when we were dating 28 years ago. It just doesn’t occur to me 90 percent of the time.
I’ve always been rather independent. I think it stems from me growing up with an amazing stay-at-home mom who handled everything except paying the bills and mowing the lawn (I did chores, however.) I was also kind of an only child, as my brother and sister are quite a bit older than me and were out of the house by the time I was 3. I got used to doing a lot by myself.
For years, this worked well for me/our family. John’s typically been the one working 50 to 60 hours a week at his job. I’ve been the one with fewer hours or who has worked from home. Were there some days where I’d look back and think “how the heck did I accomplish all that in one day?” Yep.
Recently, John’s work has been slowing down, which is not a bad thing as he approaches 65 and his retirement years. And one weekend afternoon, he sat down with me and told me that I needed to ask for help more often.
“I never have trouble asking you for help,” John pointed out, “so you should do the same.” I was truly floored.
I’ve been gradually working on this. In fact, I was proud of myself last weekend. I was on a girls’ weekend in Saugatuck, Mich. My friends told me that they wanted to leave at 9 a.m. vs. 11 a.m., which was our Airbnb check out time. My brain froze for a second.
I booked the Airbnb and was planning on leading the check-out tasks. But I would be going to church from 8 to 9 a.m. that Sunday morning. Suddenly, I smiled.
“Okay, that sounds great. Would you all be okay taking care of the check-out stuff while I’m at church?” I asked.
“Of course!” they replied. And all of us were happy.
Ladies … and anyone who doesn’t ask … please remember that you CAN ask for help. Most of the time people are happy to assist, and it’s a true win-win for all!
Readers, I had an “oops” in last week’s column about sleep. If you’re awake in the middle of the night for more than 20 minutes, according to the book, you SHOULD get up and do a quiet relaxing activity until you feel sleepy again. I apologize!
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Amy Shankland is a writer and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John, two sons, two dogs, and a cat. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.