By LORELAI TER HORST
Sheridan High School Student
Editor’s note: The Sheridan Student Column is brought to readers by Sheridan High School’s 10th grade honors English class, taught by Tanya Busailah.
I fear it is not said enough: heal loudly, choose yourself, and let others support you.
My column is about mental health, though it has grown in some light. I want to share my personal experience and thoughts. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and because I have my own experience, I would like to dedicate this column to anyone else who has struggled. I want everyone to know that, although it is not easy, you are not alone.
My name is Lorelai Grace Ter Horst, and I don’t have a pretty story. I am not afraid to talk about my life. When I was young, I didn’t have everything. My mom, my brother, and I made the best of what we had. At the time, I lived with an angry man. I can say I’m hurt to call him my father. Regardless, he is my dad, a man who hurt me in many ways, showed me how to grow to the light away from him.
Around my early teenage years, I was angry and I was sad. I was hurt. I had been put through things I believe no kid should go through. Yet I’ve never been more grateful for that; it has strongly influenced how I act and treat situations today.
I want to bring attention to the after and during struggles. A thing that as humans we all go through. We make mistakes. We regret, heal, fix, give up, and try again. It is not easy, and I will never say it is for anyone.
Healing loudly is something important to me. I have learned through myself, friends, and family that we often try to hide the pain we have. Others fear pain, and I feel that is why it may seem shameful, but carrying guilt for something that is not your fault is painful. Healing loudly is accepting yourself. Healing loudly tells me I am here and I value myself; if you don’t, that’s okay. Support systems are important as well. Surround yourself with people who love to see you grow. It is not easy, and it hurts to change. I’m still learning myself.
As humans, we will all continue to learn our whole lives. Healing loudly can be scary; it’s not easy to say “I got this or I believe in myself.” It takes time; unfortunately, it also takes a mental war in your head. It is becoming who you want to be and not being sorry for it. When you heal loudly, you give yourself space to heal, grow, and explore.
It is vulnerable. I can attest to that.
I felt ashamed and isolated, but the community I built around me built me up. If you or a loved one feels this way, I ask everyone to try. Get help. Talk about it, live through it, to anyone reading and know you are strong. You can get through this.
Help is not easy to ask for, but there are solutions. If you do not have that community, many spaces and organizations can help. They include getting in contact with 988, which is the Suicide and Crisis Hotline; 211, the national number for getting in contact with mental health services and professionals; and ISSP. All of these sources are open to the public and can help a person find therapists, support groups, and the community that everyone needs.
Although I have been in positions where these resources didn’t feel available to me, as I felt scared to reach out to a professional, I found other sources. If that is your case, talk to your friends, talk to a teacher, talk to your pet if you need to, but it is proven that it is better to get it out than to hold it in. The best thing my therapist gave me was a sheet of paper. I didn’t have to talk; I could write, draw, burn, fold, tear apart, throw away, flush down a drain, anything with that piece of paper as long as it was how I felt.
Choose you for you. Be kind. Be patient. Most importantly, stay strong when it feels easy to give up.