You should have the discussion

You know her.

Actually, you don’t think you know her because you haven’t heard her story. It would probably shock you.

Your friend, relative, neighbor, or coworker is a survivor of SA. Let me say what it is … Sexual Assault.

She’s kept her story hidden because people have made her feel ashamed and because she believes it doesn’t matter. Oh, but it does.

I recently sat with my friend, Lisa Saruga, as she told her story of being sexually assaulted by a masked stranger in college. Thirty-five years later, her case was reopened, and she faced her perpetrator. She tells her story in her book, The Trauma Tree. She is a survivor.

Imagine being 18 years old and being suffocated, knifed, and raped. A few days later, she heard whispers that suggested … it was her fault. She should have … She reported it. She waited 35 years for justice. Did she get justice? No. Too much time had gone by. Too many laws protected her rapist. You’ve got to be kidding! But she got to face him and tell him what she had waited 35 years to say.

Her story is powerful.

One in five women have a rape or attempted rape story. Look around at the women in your life.

One of the most important lessons a father can teach a child is how to respect women. Fathers, read that again. Our sons and daughters are listening and watching.

I know women in my life who have experienced sexual assault, and they will live with the trauma for the rest of their lives. Their rapists were identified, yet the file remains on a stack in the office of the university police or the county prosecutor.

To the women who have been sexually assaulted, do not let these rapists take away the joy from your life. Your rape does not define you or your life. You are strong. Your story matters. I pray that the rapists have nightmares about what they did to you.

I ask this question. Are our daughters safe? It’s 2026, and I still hear men talking and making excuses. She should have … SERIOUSLY??? What if it were their daughter? Does it have to be someone close to them before they show empathy?

Fathers, teach your children well. They are listening and watching how you react to commercials, athletes, politicians, and entertainers when women are disrespected in any way.

I grew up with a dad who respected my mother and the women in his life. Dad said a man’s words speak loudly when it comes to moral character.

There are no excuses for disrespecting a woman in any way. Husbands, your children listen to how you talk to your wife and how you treat her. Respect is both taught and caught. Again, teach your children well.

When respect, common decency, and moral integrity are not taught at home, our society fails to do right by women, including holding those who harm them accountable.

To the women reading this who have a story to tell, I’m sorry you endured such violence. I’m sorry you felt you had to stay silent. I’m sorry you never received justice. I’m sorry you are still dealing with PTSD.

Dads, coaches, youth workers, and teachers: you need to have this discussion with the young men in your circle of influence.

My friend, Lisa, is now a licensed professional counselor and trauma therapist. She has written about trauma in her book, The Trauma Tree: Going Beyond Survival, Growing Toward Wholeness. I recommend her book to survivors and to those who know them. She has quite a story to tell, especially about her healing.

Survivors, your voice matters. I hope you feel seen and heard.

So, do you know her? If you know at least five women … you probably do.

It’s time to have the discussion. Perhaps they should have it when they have the sex talk.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). She is the recipient of the Reporter’s Spring 2025 Ink-Stained Wretch award. Visit janethartleonard.com. You can purchase her book “When the Hart Speaks” at amazon.com/dp/B0B1C7QKF6.