My husband is my “editor in chief” – as I jokingly like to call him – for all my blog posts. Really, he just reads through what I’ve written to make sure there aren’t any glaring typos or grammatical errors (which there usually are!), but he doesn’t change the context of what I’ve written.
It can be a bit of a challenge sometimes because he is a civil engineer, and the way I write is like the way I talk. As an engineer, he thinks it could be written a little differently.
I am the polar opposite of an engineer, whatever that is called. I don’t really have a mathematical bone in my body, and honestly that used to make me feel inadequate.
When my boys came along, I realized that they are also math wizards. I started to see that really it didn’t mean I wasn’t smart, it just meant that I learn in a different way. The way my brain works is more on the emotional, feeling side of things. We are somewhat the same, but different.
I think it can be the same with someone who has a disability regarding their disability. If you are listening to what those of us with disabilities are fighting so hard for, you will have heard that we are just fighting for basic human rights. The ability to use the bathroom in a public place, or sit on a plane in one’s wheelchair, or being able to get into a store or restaurant: things that people do but take for granted.
Also, I think it’s worth repeating a common misconception, which is, once you’ve met one disabled person, you know what all disabled people are like. That’s just not true! We are the same in that we have challenges we face because of our disabilities, but we are also different in the way we live with our disabilities.
The same, but different.
Growing up, it didn’t feel okay for me to be different. When out in public, I would look at my mom and excitedly say, “hey, does that person walk like me?” She would always say, “no, it’s a little different.” I always felt so disappointed. I wanted to find that person who was the same as me.
That is how my mind worked as a child with a disability in the time when I grew up. It just wasn’t as accepted to be different. The world has come a long way since then, but it still has so far to go. We are all a lot the same, but also a lot different. Now, I like being different. I’m proud of my differences. They are what make me who I am.
Many times in my life people have said to me, “when I see you, I don’t see your disability.” I know that people almost always mean well when they say that.
However, if you fail to recognize my physical differences, you aren’t seeing me as I really am.
I am disabled. I do have a hard time doing certain things. I am not able to do certain things. I have needs that need to be recognized for me to feel safe around you.
I would never say, “I am only my disability,” but it is always there … always impacting me as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a blogger, a duo bike marathoner, etc. Those things aren’t separate from my disability, more of just a flow of me. I don’t get breaks from my disability. It is part of my identity.
It takes humble courage to walk with your head held high when your differences shine like a beacon drawing attention to you. It takes humble courage to look up to make eye contact with a stranger who may be giving you a look of complete confusion or even disgust. However, maybe you look up to see those who are smiling at your difference and are encouraged by your courage.
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.