By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Hart
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 NIV
God said, “Fear not.” And then life happened.
I went to bed with fear. I woke up with fear.
But those that trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10
I have never audibly heard the voice of God. However, I have been awakened from a deep sleep to thoughts I knew had to be God putting them in my mind. This has happened on a few occasions. I will tell you, because of those moments, it has changed how I perceive God to be in my life.
I am in no way a Bible scholar or theologian. I’m definitely not a saint. I struggle to call myself a Christian for fear of its negative generalizations and anyone thinking I am above the struggles of a sinner. I am, as the old gospel song says … just a sinner, saved by Grace.
I had the idea that if I obeyed all the commandments and rules of my church and sat in my good Christian girl pew, that I would live happily ever after, with my little family, in the church I grew up attending, all the while writing my story that would be all sugar and very little spice.
Holy Schmoley, was I wrong.
By the time I was in my mid-40s, I was floundering in my faith. Sure, I still believed in God and was still walking the narrow Christian way, but my faith looked nothing like ‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.
God and I started having some talks (actually, I did all the talking) where I let him know I was not happy with the things He had allowed to happen in my life. As I prayed, I also started searching and studying the scriptures. You might say I began truly SEEKING GOD.
I felt a bond with Joseph as he spent so many years struggling with all the unfairness that was done to him. I read the part of his story where he said to his brothers, who had betrayed him: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” Genesis 50:20 NLT
All for good. Whew, that would take some processing. Could good be found in all the bad that I had been through?
I could relate to Job as I felt like I had encountered more than my fair share of plagues. I thought that somehow, I had mistakenly signed up for the crisis-of-the-month club. Even my friends agreed with that thought. As I studied the scriptures, I read this: So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. Job 42:12
I was in my mid-40s. I was entering what I thought would be the second half of my life.
Could God be taking me to these scriptures for a reason? Did the voice of God beckon me to listen to the words that had been divinely inspired? So many times, what I was reading was what my heart needed to hear.
I understood how David felt as he sought to know the heart of God. I studied the Psalms. I marked in the margins of my Bible. I wrote the dates of my reading and added my thoughts. It was as if the Psalms were a love letter to me from God. Psalm 91 became my “go to” for the bad days. Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety: He is my God and I trust Him. Psalm 91:1-2. NLT
Trust Him? Isn’t that what this faith thing is all about? To be in the shadow of someone you must stay close to them. When you are close to someone you learn to trust them. You know their voice.
Scripture, that I had never read in all my years in the church pew, became a balm to my oh-so-weary soul.
I remembered how I had written in my journal, all those many years ago, when my world started spinning out of control. Seek and ye shall find.
What I was finding could never be understood by that good girl of my childhood. It was only after walking through the darkest valley, losing so much of what I valued and dealing with so much pain, that I could find who God was in my life.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High … will find rest.
And so, I dwelled. And I found rest.
The years would still be difficult at times, but as the scripture reminded me … He alone is my refuge. I simply had to trust.
Eventually, I was able to see the goodness that had come from darkest valleys. My faith grew stronger. My voice had a message of Hope. As God held my pen, He had been writing a story of Redemption.
And the second half of my life?
God has kept the promises He gave me in His word. I know what it means to seek and find.
I have a voice and I have a message. Fear not the dark valleys of tomorrow. God is already there. He holds the pen to your Redemption story.