Letting go & holding on

At different points in our lives, we are ready and able to release certain things. Maybe these are tangible things, or beliefs we hold onto.

Some of that can be attributed to where we are at in our lives. We age and gain wisdom through living life experiences that allow us to let go of things that no longer serve us well.

I like to think of it as packing up a box of mementos and deciding what I want to hold onto. What is worthy of keeping?

An interesting thing happens when I go through the same box of stuff years later. I see things that I held onto and think, Why did I keep that?

I was afraid of letting go of something that had significant meaning at that time in my life, but when revisiting, it no longer feels relevant. Sometimes it is a piece of paper or trinket from my childhood that helps me feel connected to my younger self.

Whatever it may be, I have found that many things that I hold onto that I think are valuable, become less significant to me as time goes on. The sense of security or comfort that “thing” provided vanishes.

The same thing applies to my disability. For years, I held onto the belief that I was unworthy because I was born “damaged.”

At my lowest, I felt like trash that needed to be tossed out. While that is incredibly painful to even type out, it is how I saw myself for decades.

Now I can look at that belief I had about myself and think, Why did I ever hold onto that? Wishing I could go back in time and apologize profusely to myself. Thankfully, I have been able to let that lie go.

If I find myself heading near the direction of that thought pattern, I have the tools now to stay away from being swallowed up by past beliefs about myself.

It’s been a long time since I have gone there and stayed. Believe me, I have gone back there, but I have not stayed.

The tools require diligent sharpening.

I want my disability and value to be one thought, not separate.

Part of advocating for people with disabilities is working to undo damage and misinformation that is ingrained into our world. The disabled community is the largest minority group in the world, yet improvements and practices lag and stall.

It is a minority group that anyone reading this could join at any time.

My mind is boggled by the things we are still to this day fighting for surrounding disabled people’s rights to necessity and functionality.

Letting go of my anger that surrounds this is helpful in keeping me focused and faithful to my mission. If I dwell in the space of anger, that I do have a right to feel, I am not moving forward. I am stuck and not helpful.

While anger can be used as a motivator, for me personally, it is not a good one.

Just like that old box of stuff that is no longer helpful in my life anymore. Anger needs to be something I can look at and think, Why did I hold onto this for so long? It is not serving me anymore.

Letting go does not mean tossing every single piece of the “keepsake box.”

It is sometimes a continuation on with some of the invaluable things you have picked up along the way. Just cleaning things up a bit or trading things out.

I want to keep the resilience, humble courage, and strength to carry on that I have picked up along the way.

Something tangible I have kept are my first leg braces. They are tiny. To me, they are symbolic of when my fight began.

Those are things I would never pick up and think, Why did I keep those?

Instead, I would think, I am so glad I kept those.

I am letting go of things continuously. I am also holding onto the most valuable things in my “box” that will continue to serve me and help me to make the impact on the world that I am here to make.

Until next time …

Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, freelance writer, wife, and mom of two boys. She is the recipient of The Reporter’s Winter 2025 Ink-Stained Wretch award. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.org and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.