“Remember that marriages, children and gardens reflect the kind of care they get.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
My life is surrounded by people and things that require a great deal of my attention. To be honest, as much as it can be overwhelming, I absolutely love it.
I have two small children, a husband, two dogs, and I am a first-grade teacher. My favorite hobby is gardening. My entire house is filled with flowers and indoor plants, so I don’t lose my mind over the winter months. I saw the quote above that talks about the importance of tending to the things in your life to get the desired result. In particular, the quote refers to marriages, children, and gardens. It hit home with me because I can relate and believe it to be the truth.
When it comes to marriage, absolutely nothing takes precedence over my husband, including my children. I’m not traditional in every sense, but I do operate with the structure of God first, marriage second, and then the children. Period. Children will fly the nest and leave, but your marriage will be there until one of you takes their last breath.
If you focus all of your attention and energy on everything else and save what remnants you have for your marriage, there won’t be much of a marriage left.
If your children grow up seeing two parents who love each other and make each other a priority, they will hopefully seek the same for themselves one day. Marriage is not hard work. It is the most important work you do. It is the stability and the home that you provide for your children. It’s their first example of love. It teaches them how to love, fight, forgive, respect, laugh, and be a team. It is their springboard into the world and will influence how they navigate their own relationships with others.
My season of life right now is one that requires a great deal of my energy, and I must tend to the needs of a lot of others before my own. That is mainly due to the number of children that are in my care. Obviously, I have two of my own who are little, but I am also a first-grade teacher. My days are spent with little ones who are old enough to be in school all day and learning how to read and write but still will burst into tears from time to time in the middle of class because they miss their mommy. They frequently ask for their shoes to be tied or sneak in their favorite stuffed animal because an entire school day is just too long to be away from their special toy. The kids I’m around all day are learning how to figure out the world. They are making friends, figuring out what sounds letters make, and learning how to make it through an entire day away from their folks.
You cannot just hope kids turn out fine without putting the work in each day. Kids require daily counsel. They need to be taught how to communicate with others. They need to be shown by your own example how to talk to other people and work through conflict. Kids don’t just automatically know these things. They learn from the adults around them.
My marriage and all of the kids in my life aren’t the only ones who need my attention. My flowers also need me. The amount of yield you get from a garden is in direct proportion to the amount of energy and time you give it. Like any other living thing, your garden needs your attention and time. If you just buy a pretty plant, but never take care of it, just like your marriage, it will wilt and not last.
That doesn’t mean that you’ve failed if your child has lost their way at some point, your relationship didn’t work out, or your garden looks like an early Halloween exhibit. It means that you’re human and figuring out life like everyone else. In fact, for some people, a failed marriage and a broken home was the greatest gift you could give a child because it meant that you removed them from a toxic situation or abuse. You were still tending to your child, but in a different way.
As much as it’s important to tend to the relationships in your life, your children, and your gardens, we must never forget to tend to ourselves. We must always make our own mind, spirit, and happiness a priority to be the best versions of ourselves. That is the only way we will be able to tend to those around us.
Megan Rathz is a wife, mother, and teacher. She says everything she has ever learned in life came from her Master Gardener mother.