By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Hart
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NIV
It’s 4:00 a.m. I am having trouble not leaning on my own understanding. In fact, I’m explaining my understanding to God. Sleep is tucked away, possibly for the night.
My prayer sounds like a list of things I need for Him to do. And yes, I am giving Him instructions on how they need to be done. Even with God, I have control issues.
It’s quiet and I can hear the chaos in my mind. It’s like junk being moved around in the attic.
What if? That question gets louder when it involves people that I love. Family, and friends that are like family.
Some nights the list of “what ifs” seems so long.
Is 4:00 a.m. considered night or morning? My “to do” list interrupts my “worry list” for when I get out of bed or off the sofa.
Sleep is often a luxury when your heart won’t cooperate. Fear and doubt are strange alarm clocks.
My mind is wrestling with people and situations I cannot control. They have no idea they are keeping me awake.
I am exhausted but I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about how much sleep I will get if I fall asleep now.
I am reminded … The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18 NIV
I know all too well how it feels to be broken and crushed. Some of my stories will never be told.
It’s one thing to go through bad things yourself. It’s worse to see your loved ones hurt and suffer.
I just hope they know I am praying for them. I hope they know they will get though the bad times. I hope they know there is a God who will bring people into their life that will help them pick up the pieces of shattered dreams, soften the disappointments and heal the hurts.
I pray for the people that come into the lives of my loved ones who are hurting. People who have walked the same journey. People who understand. Please Lord give them discernment and clarity and a voice that engages the heart of my loved ones.
I will never forget the people who came alongside me on my journey through the wilderness. Some were there for a short time, some are still beside me.
It’s 5:00 a.m. I’m praying for my loved ones to sleep well. I pray that God calms their anxious heart and mind.
God and I have come to an understanding. I will trust him and He will provide … He always has and He always will.