From the Heart
Sometimes I think there should have been a fourth character that Dorothy meets up with in the movie, the Wizard of Oz.
It would have been a guy looking for a “gut.”
You see, I have experienced the wisdom of my gut on many occasions. I know its value.
I wish I had listened to the feelings of my gut more often.
Once upon many a time, when I had to make a decision, I felt with my heart, wrestled with my brain and sought out courage, when all along I just needed to listen to my gut.
I rationalized. I looked at every scenario. I figured out all the “what if’s” and then I made my decision. My gut would often tell me “I told you so.”
All along my gut was telling me what I should do. It was just a feeling. Deep down I knew what the answer should be or the decision I needed to make.
Sometimes I ignored my gut feeling because it was not giving me the answer I wanted. My heart, my mind and my gut wrestled and I endured a war of tugging.
I became exhausted. I would put my decision on the “to be decided later” shelf. Oh yes, the lovely, or rather not so lovely, place of procrastination.
Procrastination is where decisions fell into an abyss until I was forced to make them. Oh, the UGH of it all.
I knew what I needed to do, but it’s not until I had to do it that I gathered all my knowledge and sorted through my feelings to make the decision I should have made long before.
So much wasted time, effort and feelings.
I even wrestled with the time worn thoughts of “What will people think about my decision?”
When I made my decision it was sometimes like tearing a Band-Aid off my heart. Sometimes, it was instant relief – not just that it was the right decision but that I finally made the decision.
There were a few times that other people made the decision for me. That led to a lot of frustration and hurt.
I struggled with being hurt when people would question my decision. I would find myself explaining my decision to some who would never understand why I made the decision that I made. Actually, they were not owed an explanation.
The percentage of my right decisions far outweigh those that were bad decisions.
You know what? The bad decisions were usually that I should have made the right decision sooner rather than later.
There were those bad decisions that were just lessons learned. Some came with painful regrets. Some came with “Well, I won’t let that happen again.”
I have been educated at the School of Hard Knocks which helped to make me the woman I am today. A bit battered yet strong. A bit wise because of wrong decisions. A woman who trusts her gut. A woman who stands by her decisions no matter the opinion of others.
I think my gut is proud of the woman I have become. I might just decide to buy me a pair of red ruby shoes. I think Dorothy and my gut would approve of that decision.