From the Heart
Toby Mac said it well: “You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.”
After many years of being boxed into a corner of discomfort, I have learned several ways to excuse myself from wonderful opportunities to serve others. And that does not make me a bad person.
I used to be one of those people who could not say “no” to every committee chairperson and volunteer recruiter. I found myself dreading so many good things. I was over involved and under resourced. It became easier to say no when I became exhausted, feeling like a wrung out wash rag.
I always felt complimented when someone said, “Oh, you would be perfect for this job … as a volunteer.” I grabbed it hook, line and sinker. They knew me all too well.
How could I say no to these opportunities that would help others? Did saying “no” make me any less of a good person? Would others think less of me?
Doesn’t scripture say that we are given certain gifts and we should use them?
The trouble was that so many people thought I had a certain gift that they needed me to use … for them … in their way … for their good cause.
The causes and the needs were for the good of others but led to my physical, emotional and mental exhaustion.
I was tired. I just wanted to do the right thing for everyone … but me. Would I look selfish or uncaring?
Finally I said “no.” And I said it more and more. Some people were not happy with me.
I began to own my own happiness. I became a happier, healthier person. I could do more when I did less? Huh? I was able to choose what I really felt I needed to do. I enjoyed it more and did a much better job. I no longer felt obligated to always say “yes.” I became more selective with my yes.
I would thank them and tell them that I felt complimented for them asking me. Then I would say, “I just feel that I cannot do what you need me to do.” No arguing or convincing could break down my decision.
My no meant no.
The guilt that others heaped upon me slowly began to dissolve. I felt less controlled and more free. Others were given the chance to serve. I was given the chance to rest and find my true callings.
At times, I still find myself saying yes when I should say no, but I’ve gotten better.
I remind myself that both charity and mercy and kindness need to be shown to myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Kindness comes from the heart. The heart can say … no.