As my adoption and reunion story continues, I’ve changed some names, places, and dates.
I believe the various emotions I felt the day I met my birth father are what most adoptees and birthparents go through frequently throughout a reunion journey. Despite it all not being 100 percent perfectly happy and comfortable, I would definitely do the same thing again.
When you have this type of reunion, it’s difficult to be patient. As an adoptee, you wait decades to find out your history and other information. You want to see, do, and hear as much as possible all at once. But you have to remember that you are strangers in the beginning, and like any relationship, you need to take time to get to know one another.
I scared my birth mother Linda one time after I had met Jack by mentioning the possibility of me meeting her soon. She wasn’t ready for that step yet, and it wasn’t right for me to rush her into the thought of it.
I have felt mostly joy throughout this experience, however. The day after meeting Jack I took a long look at my oldest son when we went to church. I experienced what I call a “lightning” moment. I realized he looked just like my birth father. I smiled to myself. We had commented many times as he was growing up about his thick hair. Now I knew where Jonathon had gotten it. He probably wouldn’t have to worry about losing it at a young age!
This and other realizations made me start to consider telling my sons about my experience. I asked my husband John for his thoughts one day when we went out to lunch.
“I’ve never had a problem with you telling them,” John said. “I think they’re old enough to not say anything to your mother.” At this point the boys were 13 and 14. Like typical teenagers, you had to practically drag words out of their mouth at times. This was the case in our own home, let alone when Jonathon and Jacob were at family gatherings.
I told them the story that evening at dinner, my heart pounding the whole time. It was such a relief for me to know I wouldn’t have to hide during phone conversations with Jack or Linda anymore.
“So THAT’S what your next book is going to be about,” Jacob said triumphantly. I grinned and nodded. Up until that moment I hadn’t told them any details about my next project.
“Mom, why do you think we’d ever say anything?” Jonathon asked. “Geez, we’ll probably forget all about it later anyway.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you both,” I replied. “It’s just that this is a big a secret to keep. I didn’t want to burden you with that.”
I showed them pictures of both Linda and Jack, and they accepted everything well. Their response was quite mature, and I was proud of them that evening.