When I am worried and can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep.
If you are of a vintage age like me, you might remember Bing Crosby singing that song in the movie White Christmas. I have always loved hearing it, but my heart heard it this week. My worries had overwhelmed my thoughts. I went to bed with them, and I woke up with them. It has been quite the year.
As the new year of 2023 rang in, I chose the word STRENGTH as my word of the year. I had no idea what that word would mean. I grasped tightly for strength in January and was holding on to it by a smidgeon in December. As my mother would say, I was worn to a frazzle.
You may remember that Chuck’s home in Tampa had a leak in the AC unit, causing the ceiling in the loft to collapse and wreaking havoc in both the upstairs and downstairs with water damage. All too well, I know the deafening sound of a dozen fans and dehumidifiers. Five days of a constant roar wears on the ears as well as the nerves. It took three months and dozens of decisions to make the repairs. I never want to pick a shade of white again. Natural Linen it is … forever and ever! Amen!
At the same time, Chuck was dealing with some significant health issues. If Chuck Leonard is not on the golf course, something is going on … and it’s not good. For six months, we sought the thoughts of numerous medical specialists. We know all too well the thoughts of so many “ologists.” Oncologist. Pulmonologist. Cardiologist. Neurologist. Dermatologist. Then suddenly, without any rhyme or reason or medication or treatment … Chuck is back on the golf course. Yes, even in December at Stony Creek in Indiana, he’s shooting numbers that are edging closer to his age. Apparently, he is a medical wonder. They could only “wonder” what was going on.
In September, I made the difficult decision to sell the home in which I grew up. After much prayer and more than a few tears, I placed it on the market in what is a somewhat “interesting” time in real estate. I bought the house where Chuck and I live in 1975 and have never known the challenges of selling a home. It’s been an adventure. For me, it’s been like inviting people over and getting the house ready for them … the entire house, yard, and garage. I told my daughter, Emily, that I will leave my current house either kicking and screaming or in a body bag. I’m not selling another house. Nope, not gonna do it!
Packing up memories is not for the faint of heart. My heart voiced so many times, “I don’t want to make this decision.” Being an only child has its blessings as well as its challenges. I found that grief is still showing up when I least expect it. I appear to have it all together and under control … until I don’t. I hide my hurting well.
I have a story I will soon share about a Redbird showing up at just the moment I needed to be reassured of the decision I made to sell the house. I have a witness who was overcome with emotion as she saw it as well.
I’ve been told I care too much about what people think of me. That’s probably true. Okay, it is true. It keeps me awake at night. I try to explain my decisions, but I can’t tell everything. If only they knew …
I have been counting my blessings a lot lately. Many of my worries come from my blessings. As I told a dear friend this week … Sometimes, you have to choose your worries well. If you can control something, then you pray for wisdom. If you cannot control something, turn it over to God and remind yourself to LEAVE IT ALONE! I need to take my advice.
Photo provided
I saw a T-shirt this week with the words, Strength is What We Gain from the Madness We Survive. I bought it for a friend. I should have bought one for myself.
I now realize that it is only after you go through the madness that you see the strength you have gained along the way. Now, I can tuck myself into bed and pull the covers up to my chin …
And I’ll fall asleep counting my blessings.
I’ve chosen my 2024 Word. It’s a bit unique. Stay tuned. What is your 2024 Word?
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.