Sandwiched
I’ve been grateful to add a tool to my arsenal for lowering stress in the Sandwich Generation. It’s not a new concept, but over the years it’s become easy for me to forget when life throws multiple curve balls my way. It’s reframing my thinking.
To put it simply, reframing your thinking is the meaning you ascribe to any event being dependent upon how you frame it in your mind. And I had the perfect opportunity to practice this on Labor Day.
My family and I had enjoyed an incredibly fun weekend jam-packed with friends and adventures. It was wonderful but tiring. I had promised myself that I’d catch up on some household chores Monday and relax with a good book. I announced to my husband John that I was going to sit on our deck all afternoon and evening to soak in the lovely weather.
Just as I sat down to enjoy a late lunch, my mother called saying she couldn’t find her keys. I asked if she had requested that a staff member at her facility help her locate them to which she replied, “yes,” with no luck.
You may recall Mom called me last December in the middle of my son’s birthday party with the same scenario. Back then, I didn’t reframe my thinking and was irritated that she interrupted the evening, which made her feel bad. John and I drove over and found her keys in about 15 minutes.
This time, I told her to give me a half hour and I’d come over and look around. I was calm and gentle and reminded myself that Mom genuinely didn’t want to bother me. She just needed some help. I also figured I’d be back home within 30 minutes and that I’d still have plenty of reading time.
I drove over to her facility with my sunroof open and windows down to enjoy the day in a different way. I greeted her with a kiss and began my search. Unfortunately, after rummaging through everything imaginable, I couldn’t locate her keys. We figured that she had accidentally thrown them away with the previous evening’s garbage due to her keys being around her wrist.
I found Rich, the head of maintenance, who seemed to be an example of reframing thoughts as he kindly promised to bring over a new set in about 10 minutes. I relaxed and chatted with Mom and sure enough Rich knocked on the door and presented the new keys. Apparently, this is a common occurrence for him!
Mom was relieved and I worked with her to formulate a new plan so this wouldn’t happen again. I was home in 60 minutes vs. 30, but reminded myself that it was nice to have Mom just five minutes away and that I still had many hours to relax.
I hope I can continue this practice and always put myself in Mom’s shoes whenever she needs me to help her through her difficulties. It made a challenging situation more pleasant for both of us.