Years ago, I wrote a column about what I believe is a true apology. I’m not talking about an “oops” apology, where we do something minor like bumping into a person while walking, making a spelling error in an email, etc. A true apology is important for situations where we’ve deeply hurt or upset someone.
The three parts of a true apology are to listen to the person, apologize verbally or in written form, and ask them, “How can I make this right?” Many of us forget this last step – I know I’m guilty on occasion. And I’ve seen people look completely surprised when I ask them the question. I’ve never shared an example of how to do this and thought I’d share one.
Years ago, our Indiana Grant Professionals Association (GPA) hosted the GPA National Conference in Indianapolis. It was a lot of fun – and a lot of work.
Our chapter had an exhibitor booth to share information about our activities and hopefully recruit new people. Local board members all took turns and enjoyed talking to attendees.
On the final day, I was packing items away from the booth and felt exhausted – yet exhilarated – about the success of the conference. One board member I’ll call Caroline stomped up to me, her face red and eyes blazing.
“Amy … what did you do with my basket?” She cried. My mind felt muddled as I struggled to recall what she was talking about.
“Basket? Caroline, we didn’t have a basket on the table.” I replied.
“Yes, yes we did … I brought a Longaberger basket, and it was right here.” I was completely taken aback. I turned to one of my other GPA friends and asked if she had seen the basket. She didn’t know what Caroline was talking about either.
I was sorely tempted at this point to argue with her. But I didn’t have the energy, and I didn’t want her to be upset and cause issues for our chapter in the future. I thought for a moment, then took a deep breath.
“Caroline, I’m terribly sorry. I’m afraid we don’t remember seeing your basket. But obviously it meant something to you.” Caroline huffed in reply, but I could tell she at least felt heard.
“Tell you what … I’m going down to the outlet mall in Edinburgh on Veteran’s Day weekend. There’s great shop there that sells beautiful baskets. How about you describe the basket to me, and I’ll buy you a new one to make this right. Would that be okay?”
Caroline didn’t speak for at least 30 seconds. Her face was a mask of surprise and confusion.
“Oh … wow … um … gosh. You don’t have to do that,” she replied sheepishly.
“I don’t mind at all. I’d like to make this up to you.”
“No … you know what … it’s okay. I have too much stuff in my house anyway. Thanks, though.” Caroline turned and walked away looking almost embarrassed. The subject never came up again.
We all hurt people on occasion, whether we mean to or not. When we do what we can to make the situation right, it speaks volumes to others. It shows a true apology from the heart and can help make relationships better and stronger.
Amy Shankland is an empty-nester, writer, and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John and two dogs. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.