As my mom and stepdad got older, they were considering what to do with the large five-bedroom house my siblings and I grew up in. They weren’t quite ready to move to assisted living, or even a community, but they knew they needed to make some changes. Remodeling wasn’t really an option, but they needed something smaller and more manageable for them to get around, especially with some hip problems my step dad was facing.
It’s an awkward subject, but if you’re starting to worry about something like this, it’s time to start talking about it. The best time to make changes is well before a crisis happens.
Difficult conversations
When talking with my parents, my siblings and I did our best not to “tell” my parents what to do, but instead tried to listen to what their concerns and needs were before making suggestions.
It was important to us to offer to help go through their finances and help in ways that gave us a better picture of our parents’ finances and living expectations. We tried to help with everyday tasks, such as bill paying or overseeing a home repair job. The more we were involved, the better our communication was to open the door for further conversations – and the more we were able to learn about their financial health, the better prepared we were to discuss their living arrangements.
Communication
We focused on communicating things like, “I’ve always loved this house, and I know you do too. Is there anything I can help you with to keep it in good shape?”
We did our best to acknowledge our parents’ feelings about their home. We tried to take the time to reminisce about family gatherings, memorable holidays, and shared history before shifting the conversation into the physical and financial challenges of maintaining their home. Having simple suggestions to get the ball rolling seemed easier for our parents to accept.
Simple discussions
My sister was able to have good conversations such as, “You’re spending a lot of money to keep up your house, and you have a lot of equity in it. Have you thought about selling and using that cash to move somewhere more comfortable?”
Since our parents had paid off their mortgages, we looked around at the cost of homes within their neighborhood, specifically those that needed work for comparison. Since moving into their neighborhood 36 years ago, we knew they would have a significant amount of equity built in their home. Downsizing to an easier-to-maintain, smaller home or condo was definitely an option given the amount of revenue they’d make by selling their home.
If the notion of moving doesn’t appeal to your mom and dad at first, offer to take them on a tour of retirement communities, or look at houses near where you or another family members live. Living near one of their children or grandchildren may be a very desirable option.
One major advantage of a retirement community was that my parents could still participate in activities and socialize. We encouraged them to be in a place where they could continue to be active and make new friends along the way.
Decision time
My parents got very lucky. A smaller, outdated house became available across the street from my sister’s home. Coincidentally, the senior lady living in the house decided it was time to move to an assisted living community – so it was a perfect opportunity for my mom and stepdad. Ultimately, our parents decided to sell their house and purchase the smaller, one-story house across from my sister.
They didn’t know at the time, but there are many resources out there for seniors who are making a move. HALO Senior Move Solutions has worked with many vendors who specialize in helping seniors declutter, pack, move, and can even help with repairs and maintenance as they get their home ready to sell. HALO has a great realty group with over 17 years of experience helping seniors prepare to sell their homes and buy new ones.
The equity that my parents got out of their home allowed them to pay off debts and even put a large amount of money into their new house to get it updated and more manageable for them to live in as they age. Facing upcoming physical challenges and my stepdad’s early hip issues was top of mind. Being across the street from my sister would allow them to share meals, hang out with grandkids, and always have someone nearby when they are in need of help. Having a home that they know is tailored to their senior needs, gives them some independence that they enjoy.
For many seniors, ties to family and community are what keep them in place. But if their children and grandchildren no longer live nearby, the resulting distance can pose challenges if the parents require more assistance. So it may make sense for them to move closer, or look at communities that will provide them with friends and a community of their own.
When we looked at our parents’ new home, we wanted to make sure they had basic accessibility features, like a grab bars in the bathrooms, a no-step entry into their home, and a bedroom and full bath on the first floor. We even went as far to make sure they had a fully accessible kitchen and doorways wide enough to handle a wheelchair in the event that they would need this in the future. Having done these simple steps, made all of us kids feel better about the fact that they were staying in a home.
Takeaways
Luckily for us, we were able to get in front of this move for our parents. Waiting until a crisis occurred, or until one of them was ill, or even had an accident or fall would have left us scrambling and rushing to get them settled. Taking the time to talk through their options, having the hard conversations about facing their future as they physically face more challenges, while uncomfortable, can save you a lot of stress in the long run.
If you can, have a plan for future care for your parents wherever they end up living. The more involved you can be with your mom and dad’s daily life now, and the more familiar you are with their finances, the easier it will be to provide the help they need. Be sure to enlist siblings as well since they can help continue the discussion and share in any solution.
If your parents are reluctant to consider options, it may help to bring in a third-party expert like HALO Senior Move Solutions. HALO can help connect you with financial advisors, real estate agents, geriatric care managers, even hospice care – who are familiar with the services and retirement facilities in your parents’ town.
HALO Senior Move Solutions is a Senior Move Management company helping seniors and their families navigate the complexities of downsizing, selling the home and moving later in life. Reach them at (833) 284-HALO (4256) or at info@haloseniorsolutions.com.