By RACHEL HUNT
Sheridan High School Student
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I just recently came across this quote, but I think it is very relevant to society’s view of what people should do or say. Comparison can be motivating or completely miserable; it all depends on how you choose to deal with it. As many college and high school students are in the midst of spring break around the corner, they are most likely checking social media wondering, Why can’t I look like her? or Why can’t I have washboard abs like him?
When I was younger I was always looking on social media, wondering where everyone was going and what everyone was wearing. I would always subscribe to the mainstream teenager life, which led me to an unhappy lifestyle. I was always upset with myself and wondering why I didn’t look like other people. It took me almost a year to realize that I am me and I can’t change that. I started looking in the mirror and telling myself about all of the positives on the inside and outside, rather the negatives. I started doing things for myself and not for others. I dyed my hair purple because I thought it would look cool, and I didn’t care what other people thought because I liked it. I took up new hobbies, like boxing, that I came to love.
Dr. Donna Wick, founder of Mind-to-Mind Parenting, says that for teenagers, the combined weight of vulnerability, the need for validation, and a desire to compare themselves with peers forms what she describes as a “perfect storm of self-doubt.” I wish I looked like her because she is so thin. They look so happy together. I will never be that pretty. Many teens and young adults post on their social media accounts pictures and videos of happy times in their lives, when in reality many of them are struggling emotionally. Now, I’m not saying that all teens have self-esteem issues and are unhappy, but I am speaking out for the teens and young adults afraid to speak up and seek help, to get out of the “duck syndrome.” According to childmind.org, researchers at Stanford University coined the term “duck syndrome” to refer to the way a duck looks like it is gliding across the surface of the water effortlessly while below its feet are working frantically to stay afloat.
For myself, joy was a journey that I had to be willing to take. I wanted to feel happy for myself, and I wanted to reach the destination of joy. Once I spoke up to my parents they were very supportive of my decisions and the steps I was taking on my journey. I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t happy. I was always so happy when around others, posting my happiness on social media, so how could I possibly be unhappy? I thought.
Once I had the weight of my secret lifestyle off of my shoulders I was able to start living a healthier life. Instead of following people on social media whom I would compare myself with, I started looking at profiles about confidence and how to be yourself and not care about what others think. This helped me motivate myself to be happy and think happy thoughts.
I know many people reading this are parents, wondering why I would write something like this. I wanted to write an article that was relevant to today’s generation. Many teens are struggling with the “duck syndrome,” hoping that there could be someone to talk to, someone going through the same situations. You, as a parent, play a huge role in your child’s happiness. Dr. Wick states that many teens have never known a world where social media doesn’t exist, and for them things that happen online are very real. She claims that when talking to your child make sure to really listen and to not dismiss or minimize his or her experiences. When your child has worked hard on something, praise his or her efforts, no matter the outcome. You have to show that you care, says Dr. Wick. In the end, your children should know that you love their unedited, imperfect, unfiltered selves, and this will help them in gaining confidence for when they are out on their own to live a healthy, carefree, and safe lifestyle.