I feel there is often a divide between the disabled community and the non-disabled community. It’s this push/pull thing that I have observed throughout my lifetime. An “us against them” mentality.
I feel that the things that people with disabilities share are sometimes misunderstood. They are seen as attention seeking, or trying to prove that our life is more difficult than someone else’s. I notice this happening a lot.
In fact, the reason this came back to my mind was due to a comment I received on a blog post. It wasn’t meant to be a vengeful comment in any way, but it did make me pause. The comment said, “You are so inspiring. I love to read your blog, but it does make me feel unworthy because I’ve never had to deal with anything as difficult as this.” I must admit this comment made me so sad!
What many of us with disabilities are trying to accomplish when sharing videos or writing content about our lives with disabilities is largely to try and gain understanding from others and help educate on disabilities. Many of us feel misunderstood and often overlooked. It’s not a good feeling. We aren’t trying to make others feel bad about their lives. We all have difficult things in our lives. I just happen to be sharing about mine. It’s never meant to be viewed as a contest as to who has life the hardest. Also, I feel like I should add a disclaimer that I am by no means trying to speak on behalf of all disabled people.
I try to keep a sense of humor when out in public. The comments I receive and the things that happen to me are sometimes comical for sure.
For instance, I recently attended a church service by myself. Normally, my husband is with me to help me inside as there are a few stairs and it’s a bit of a walk from the parking lot for me. I purposefully waited in my car until most of the people had made their way inside. I do not enjoy walking in crowds, as I am very unsteady.
There were two gentlemen who were greeting people and holding the doors. I was about what seemed like half a football field away when they started loudly saying things like, “You are definitely obeying the speed limit,” and “You are doing great, keep going!” and “You’ve got this!” drawing as much attention to me as possible, which is the last thing I like to happen when trying to concentrate on my walking and not falling is the goal.
I strive to bridge the gap between where I am and society’s lack of understanding what it’s like for me (and many others) as a mostly ambulatory disabled person, whose disability is very visible when walking. I appreciate that their goal was likely to encourage me and make me more comfortable in what they possibly viewed as an uncomfortable situation for me. I know from a stranger’s point of view it looks like I’m very uncomfortable when I am walking. I always try to be gracious in those moments, giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Through speaking openly about these interactions, I believe we can attempt to help others understand. You don’t need to go out of your way or give me special treatment. I’m just like you in most ways aside from a physical disability. A greeting like everyone else gets would be perfectly sufficient for me.
As a disabled person, I do not think that I am “special” or deserve special treatment. However, do not confuse that with the fact that sometimes things do have to be done a little differently to accommodate or make things accessible for those with disabilities just to function in society. Those aren’t “special” needs, but rather human needs. Just like a non-disabled person has needs, disabled people do, too.
It’s not easy for me to write about a topic like this because I do fear I will continue to be misunderstood. I feel like at least attempting to gain further understanding, and working to bridge that gap is ultimately far more important than if people don’t agree with me. If we don’t try, we will never know the difference we could make for those that come after us.
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.