By AMY SHANKLAND
Sandwiched
I’ve mostly written about my mother in this column, and I’ve appreciated my readers’ love and support these last three years. Hopefully we’ve all helped one another and been able to say, “Been there, done that!”
Soon you’ll be hearing more about my father-in-law as well. My husband John has now joined me in the sandwich generation, as his father (whom we lovingly call Bopah) is also facing the struggles of aging.
Bopah is in his mid-80s and has battled heart problems, arthritis, and other age-related issues. He lives alone on two acres in a small town near Chicago.
We’ve been preparing to have him live right beside us in an apartment above our new garage. It’s been a slow process, however, due to finances. While the outside of the garage is done, the upstairs is still unfinished. COVID-19 hasn’t helped with the rising costs of lumber and other items.
We had hoped to wait until prices went down to complete the apartment. However, recent events have forced us to work to complete it sooner rather than later. Bopah had to go to the emergency room three weeks ago and is facing more issues that are threatening his independence. And he’s fighting the thought of it.
John and his brother Ron have some hard conversations ahead of them, and my heart aches as I remember the tough talks I had to have with my mother almost five years ago.
Asking a parent to move away from all they know and admit they need help is hard. We have to put ourselves in their shoes and be kind and compassionate. It often takes the support of a family physician to help these conversations go smoothly.
As I write this, Bopah is preparing for outpatient surgery on Monday. John is going up once again to help him for a few days. I’ve been praying constantly for Bopah, Ron, and John asking that the Lord guide and wrap His arms around them in the weeks and months ahead.
We’re hoping he’ll stay in a nearby apartment while the garage gets finished in the months ahead. Ron is kindly helping to finance this last project.
I’m ready to assist with anything needed and am once again grateful to own my own business, work from home, and have my “worry and anxiety” mental toolkit at the ready! It will come in handy in the months ahead.