By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Hart
Have you ever had a moment in time that defines how your life moves forward?
I stood there holding the harvest gold attached-to-the-wall phone. What I had just heard had such an emotional impact on me that I not only felt my heart crack but also heard it break. My heart would never be the same. I still remember the words she spoke after all these years … twenty-eight years.
I’ve come to realize that much of my life is defined by befores and afters. I’m not meaning before marriage and after kids and before the pandemic and, well … will there ever be an “after” pandemic?
I’m talking about a major crisis, a shattering of dreams, a medical diagnosis or a slammed-shut door. Can you relate?
I’ve had the phone call that made me question my being a good mother. I’ve taken the envelope out of the mailbox and upon opening it, finding my suspicions were confirmed. I’ve had a conversation telling me I was but an option in a relationship I had made a priority.
The phone call, all those years ago, would lead to what I call my chronic “thorn in the flesh” condition.
In the New Testament, Paul talks about his thorn in the flesh. Paul does not specifically speak about what it is from which he suffers. (Nor will I.) He does say he asked God three times to take it away from him. I might have asked God a few more than three times.
God told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:6-7. NIV
Paul is said to delight in his weakness. I struggle with my thorn, and I struggle to delight in my weakness. My thorn keeps me humble and needing God to give me both wisdom and the strength to endure. It’s very private and it keeps the crack in my heart hurting.
Truth is that my thorn may always be there.
I can listen for the voice of God to tell me He will never leave me nor forsake me, or I can listen to the voice of the enemy telling me, “I’ll get you, my pretty.” (Doesn’t The Wizard of Oz have the best quotes?)
God is good even when the thorns in my life never leave me. In every “during and after” God has brought people into my life who speak to me in ways that give me hope and love. There will always be hope and love in dealing with my thorn.
I simply bring my thorn to the throne of God and leave it there. And then it raises up and I feel its sharp prick. I will keep laying it at the throne of God, possibly, until the day I die.
The harvest gold attached-to-the-wall phone is no longer there, but the voice on the other end echoes to this very day.
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.