Sandwiched
I’m going to delve into a somewhat difficult topic that I think a lot of sandwich generation members face – people who LOVE to “stir the pot” about our situation. In particular, about how one of the siblings seems to shoulder most of the responsibilities of caring for an elderly parent.
Now, I do know that there are situations where that is definitely true. But I’ve actually found it to be more of the exception than the norm. Of course, those of you who are only children do carry the responsibility by yourself – hopefully with help from spouses and your own children. However, from what I’ve observed, most situations involve family members sharing different roles in caregiving.
I’ve written about how fortunate I am to have both my sister and brother helping to care for my mother, who lives in an assisted living facility here in Hamilton County. But people see me here in Indiana and know that my siblings are in Florida and don’t understand how we can possibly be a team.
Vicky actually filled the main caregiving role years ago when she lived close to Mom in Mishawaka. Mom had knee replacement surgery in one incident and broke her foot in another. I couldn’t help much during either time, as I had two little boys to manage, but I did visit when I could to give Vicky a break on weekends. She spends lots of time with Mom now whenever she comes up from Florida on vacation.
Her son Brian and his wife lived just three blocks from Mom, so they were Godsends for years with things like shoveling snow, fixing things around her house, etc.
Once we knew Mom couldn’t live by herself any longer a little over four years ago, my brother Mark and his wife Janie stepped in to research assisted living facilities in Central Indiana. They found her current facility, which is just a five-minute drive from my house, and we were all happy with how things turned out.
Mark and Janie continue to handle Mom’s finances and insurance, something I don’t want to touch with a 10-foot pole. Mark is her power of attorney representative. They both took care of the sale of her house, although I did help when I could on weekends. They also filled out her medical forms so Mom could get her COVID-19 vaccines.
Last Friday, Mark helped with a big miscommunication that occurred at Mom’s facility. While things were a bit worrisome for a while, his calm demeanor prevailed and all worked out.
Some people don’t see or understand all of that, however. So when they run into me sometimes and ask about Mom, I’ll often hear “Oh, you’ve got most of the burden. That’s so unfair.”
I’ll admit, in the beginning, these comments did get me going. But as time has gone on, I’ve recognized that no, I’m actually quite blessed and fortunate to be a part of a team caring for Mom. Everyone uses our strengths to help her and it’s been amazing.
So now, whenever I run into anyone who wants to “stir the pot,” I simply remember how truly lucky I am and I take away the spoon!