Monkey see, monkey do

I was on the phone recently with my sister-in-law in California. Not surprisingly, our conversation eventually turned to our pre-school age grandsons and our children. She related this time that her grandson is now apparently “into” the animated children’s show Peppa Pig. The characters speak in a British accent, and the mother is called “Mummy.”

So one day my sister-in-law’s grandson approached his mother, who was raised speaking Spanish, and asked in a British accent, “Mummy, can I please have…?”

This episode brought to mind the time our daughter was about three years old and saw her father doing sit-ups. She plopped herself down on the floor next to him, tucked her feet under the couch as her daddy had done, and started doing her own sit-ups!

Children and youth are listening, watching, and imitating what they hear and see.

Earlier during the phone call with my sister-in-law, I had shared that I had recently written a column for The Hamilton County Reporter on good manners. My sister-in-law emphasized that the way children really learn how to behave is by watching how the adults in their lives behave. Certainly true!

Unfortunately, some adults, perhaps especially at sporting events, choose incivility rather than civil behavior. A neighbor recently shared that while she was at her grandson’s youth baseball game, a couple of men were yelling at the umpire so consistently that eventually they had to be expelled from the game. Also, a coach of a youth baseball team shared with me that coaches can be competitive but “don’t go over the line.” However, there was a game five years ago when the coaches got physical and the police had to be called!

Young people were watching at both events. What were they learning?

Are we heading in a more civil direction in youth sports now? Or are there other factors at play in these sports that are increasing the possibility of incivility?

One experience I have had with youth sports was when my four-year-old grandson played in a basketball “game” with other four-year-olds in a church athletic facility. I was sitting in the bleachers, and my son-in-law was on the sidelines as buzzer keeper. During the game, I saw my little grandson leave the court and go to his daddy and climb up on his lap, staying with him for the rest of the game. I was wondering what had happened, and learned after the game that another four-year-old player had told my grandson that he can’t play basketball! (For the record, I have seen my grandson make many baskets!) My grandson’s feelings were deeply hurt by the other player’s unkind words.

My son-in-law, to his credit, did not confront the coach during the game about the incident (and inform him what had been said to my grandson if the coach had been unaware), nor did he then insist the coach talk with the “offender” immediately. Instead, my son-in-law calmly approached the coach after the game and civilly explained the situation to be sure the coach was aware of the other player’s inappropriate behavior, so the coach could address it in the future if it were to occur again.

Adults can choose to be good role models giving children and youth lessons on how to behave by modelling civility – treating other human beings with respect and staying calm and reasonable even in tense or frustrating situations.

My sister-in-law was right. Children, and youth, are listening, watching, and imitating.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Nancy Kelly Smith is a retired English professor and published author. She is also an Ambassador for the national civility organization Civic Renaissance. Learn more at civic-renaissance.com.