Reach out to that solo mama or papa at church

I attended mass at a beautiful Catholic church in Anderson a couple of weeks ago. Right before the service began, I noticed a young mother attending solo with her three children in tow. They sat two pews ahead of me.

Her daughters appeared to be about 5 and 1, and her son was maybe 3. My heart instantly went out to this mama, as I remembered the many times I attended church alone with my young sons.

Not surprisingly, her little ones began to get restless and a bit loud after 15 minutes. I silently prayed for her as she tried, without much success, to keep them occupied and happy. I also prayed others around her would view her with compassion versus disdain.

Finally, she and her kiddos exited the church when they grew louder. They returned about 10 minutes later.

When it was time for us to offer the Sign of Peace, a brief exchange with people around us right before we receive Communion, I quietly stepped into her pew and shook her hand.

“I wanted to tell you I’ve been in your shoes, dear mama,” I whispered. “God bless you!” I hope she felt my love and encouragement in those brief words and gestures versus wondering if I was a crazy person.

I’m pleased to say my own church, Our Lady of Grace in Noblesville, is wonderful about encouraging those with young children to attend. Sometimes one of our priests will mention his delight at seeing and hearing them.

Taking little kids to church is rarely easy. And it’s even harder when you take them and are a solo parent. Whether you’re on your own or your spouse is deceased/they don’t attend church, you often feel completely alone.

That’s where the rest of us can come in to help. If you see a solo mama or papa near you who is struggling with their little ones, I want to encourage you to show them love and compassion. Give them a squeeze on the shoulder if you’re near them or a knowing smile and nod. Share words of encouragement after the service if you don’t have a Sign of Peace moment like we do.

I used to carry one of those fidget “popper” toys in my purse and would share it when I was near a restless little one. Seeing the surprise and smile on a child’s face – and the ensuing relief in a parent’s eyes – was always worth it, especially when the toy kept the child occupied for a few precious minutes.

A church community needs to do all it can for those who attend solo, especially for the brave mamas or papas who bring their children along. I share more in my new book Happy and Solo at Church – Light Your Fire and Worship with Joy, launching tomorrow.

For more info on how to help solo people at church or make your own solo experience better, visit my website, AmyThorntonShankland.com. Feel free email me, too!

Amy Shankland is an empty-nester, writer, and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John and two dogs. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.