By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Hart
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT
“Father God, I’m trying to trust you but I’m struggling to understand your ways in this.” I’ve prayed this prayer more than a few times in my life.
My understanding is only that I am confused and hurting and don’t see how any good can come from what I am going through. The winds of this storm batter my heart as well as my mind.
In the midst of my personal hurricane, I struggle with the “leaning” part. Doubts and fear bash into my heart.
I see people and situations from my point of view. I don’t have a spiritual drone that sees things from God’s vantage point.
I lean towards what I see because of how I am feeling, what I know, how I was raised and what I’ve been through. Add a bit of fog due to fear and I can be a mess.
But then I remember that God sees the situation and ME. I am seen and I am heard, even more so in the moments of great come aparts.
It is in the midst of my messiness that I find my faith. It is hidden in the muck and mire of the hurts, confusion, disappointments, crises, pain, and storms of my life. While I was raised in the church, the fifth pew organ side, it is on the outside of the church where I find my faith.
In those moments when nothing makes sense, when I can’t see beyond the hurt when the mountains of uncertainty and the giants of the unknown are all I can see … God is in the midst.
I have this saying, when in doubt … go to Proverbs and the Psalms. Actually, the Psalms are good for whatever ails you. Sadness, confusion, hurt, fear and anything else that overwhelms you.
Thy rod and thy staff, comfort me. Words mixed in the good stuff of Psalm 23.
Did you know that the rod is what defends the sheep of the shepherd? The staff is a symbol of kindness and caring. No better way to represent God than that of the Good Shepherd. The staff guides the sheep through dangerous routes. I have felt the nudge of the staff in a few situations where I seemed to be wandering, not knowing which way to go, or actually going in the wrong direction.
Did you know that sheep know the voice of the shepherd? How can I know the voice of the Good Shepherd? I must spend time with Him, time away from the noise and chaos of my day. I must mentally duct tape the voices that spew their negativity and impossibility into my thoughts.
It is where I dwell that determines my outlook. It is also with whom I dwell that influences my perspective, not where I physically dwell, but the places and people I allow into my life. There are people that just seem to do their best to punch out every optimistic thought I have. I verbalize something positive, and they vomit words of doubt, denial, and even fear. “Oh, Janet, let me tell you the worst thing that can happen.” Seriously.
There are days I need to go find still waters or a gently flowing river and just sit. God and I have a conversation. Oh, I know it is just me speaking, but my heart is calmed in the midst of the quiet … and I pray.
Here’s the thing, sometimes I do not have the words to express what I am feeling. In those moments, I simply pray, “Lord, hear my heart.” I believe He does.
I need quiet. I need peace. It is in the quiet I can rest and be assured that it is well with my soul even when my life is anything but well. I can leave those waters and find that I am not leaning so much towards my own understanding but towards a God who will never leave me nor forsake me.
Trust me when I say I have had a few category 5 personal hurricanes.
God will not always calm my storm, but He will calm me while I navigate through my own personal hurricane.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect me and comfort me. Psalm 23:4
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.