By AMY SHANKLAND
Sandwiched
I’ve shared our recent “empty nester” status with all of you, which is a common point in life when you’re in the sandwich generation. I have to admit, I was nervous thinking about both of our boys being out of the house this fall attending college. Would I be one of those mothers who felt lost and alone?
And, would my husband John and I be okay? I know we have a strong marriage. Not a perfect one by any means, but a good one. I can honestly say John is my best friend and vice versa.
Our main focus for the past 21 years has been our sons, Jonathon and Jacob. Pretty natural. And whenever we’re on dates or just hanging out together, John and I usually discuss them more than anyone. Also normal.
But now the boys – who are really young men, but I will probably always call them my “boys” – are on the path to adulthood. Sure, we’re the ones mostly paying the bills (they do contribute to some things thanks to summer and part-time jobs.) But at age 19 and 20, Jonathon and Jacob don’t need us as much anymore.
The first week of “empty nester” life was the worst, especially since both boys were gone and John was out of town helping his father. Although I like peace and quiet, the house was TOO quiet. I tried to stay busy, but there were moments when I felt sad and definitely lost.
Once John returned, however, we found out that we had plenty to talk about, and the topics didn’t necessarily relate to the boys. Now we often talk about our parents, whom I lovingly refer to as our 85 and 89-year-old “children!”
We had a fun, animated conversation a couple of weeks ago on a Tuesday evening that actually didn’t involve any children whatsoever. We had to eat an early dinner so John could go off to a sales appointment that night.
As I replayed the talk later, I smiled and texted him saying “I really enjoyed our conversation today!” John replied, “We’ve never had a problem finding stuff to talk about.” So true.
When I think about the past 21 years, I remember how John and I always worked to find time to nurture our marriage. We were lucky to have Couples Night Out through our church, where we could go out on dates two nights a month. This was in exchange for watching kiddos one night every three months – quite a good deal!
Even if our date nights were just enjoying a movie together after tucking the boys into bed, we prioritized spending time together as often as possible. It looks like our efforts have paid off!
If you and your spouse/significant other are approaching the empty nester stage, I would encourage you to do all you can to reconnect with one another BEFORE your children leave home. It’ll be worth it when they finally leave the nest!