Thoughts from a broken heart

From the Heart

It was 17 years ago when I received a call from my forever friend Patsy. Her 34 year old daughter had collapsed while exercising. I could not get to my friend fast enough. Why did Anderson have to be so far away?

I remember walking into the emergency room at the hospital where I saw Patsy and her husband, Ron, standing. The tragic look on their faces told me the answer. Kim had passed away, Kim left behind a husband and a four year old son.

All I could do was pray and be there for my friends. I just showed up and cried with them. And I still do.

A few days ago I received a call from my dear friend, Joan. Caller ID told me it was Joan. The sobs on the other end of the phone told me something terrible had happened. Joan spoke though her tears, “We lost Ashley tonight.” My heart broke. Ashley was only 21 years old. She had just given birth a month ago to a beautiful premature baby boy. Ashley’s husband was in the military in North Carolina. Ethan was still at Peyton Manning hospital. Ashley had just collapsed.

All I could do was pray for my friend and cry with her. And will continue to cry with her and her family.

Life is hard.

Chuck and I had this discussion last week about why God answers some prayers and why he does not answer others. It’s not about being good, it’s not about doing all the right things. Terrible things happen to good people.

I don’t have the answer. I just have faith that God will get me through the worst times. And he has.

Whenever I questioned why God allowed something to happen, I remember the cross, where God’s son died. That didn’t make sense either.

Sometimes we eventually get answers. Sometimes there are no answers. Life hurts.

I told Chuck that faith is not having all our prayers answered but knowing we have a God who brings people into our lives to bring comfort. Faith is not knowing everything will be okay the way we see “okay”. It’s getting through the broken places, that we all have, and finding comfort from people who love us.

We will never be the same after we are broken. I feel that God fills in the cracks of our brokenness in different ways. Broken people help other broken people.

My friends, Patsy and Joan, are women of great faith. I’ve seen Patsy’s faith grow in the midst of tragedy. I know I will see the same with Joan. It’s just how faith works.

I don’t have all the answers. I wish I had the words to make it all better, but I don’t. I often search the scriptures in the Psalms to read how David handled tragedy. He wept a lot. He was a man after God’s own heart. He had questions. He did not always the answers to his questions. But he kept his faith.

So I have learned that when I don’t have all the answers I just show up and cry with my friends . . . and I always will.