In about seven months, life as I know it will be drastically different. My youngest son will be heading off to college, joining his older brother at Purdue University. My title of “Mom” will not look as it does now, with him safely home in our nest we spent all these years creating for our boys. Our nest will be empty.
Just typing that sends me into an emotional tailspin.
Life has a way of preparing you for their departure, as I learned with my older son. My role as Mom has evolved as they have grown up. In the beginning, those days were extremely hard for me, physically. Those younger years demand so much physical attention and care. As time went on, their needs became less physical and driving them all over creation was the season. Equally exhausting, in its own way. Oh, how I miss both of those tough seasons.
Now, I see myself as more of a support, there for him when he needs me, but little by little, both of us realizing he does not need me in the same way he did. Taking cues from him, that it is time for me to step back. That is the way it is supposed to be. As my mom always reminds me when I am sad about it, “You wouldn’t want it any other way.” Of course, she is right. I would not.
One thing will not change when we become empty nesters. I will still fiercely love my family. I had a good friend call me last week. The purpose of her call was to tell me, “You love your family so well, and I just hope you know that.” First, how kind of her to call just to tell me that. Also, it was a good reminder to me that when you think something kind about someone, tell them! It is always so nice to be on the receiving end of those kind thoughts, and what a wonderful way to spread kindness. That meant a lot because I do pour my heart and soul into loving my family well. In fact, it has been what has kept me going all these years.
Without my children, I doubt I would have carried on to the degree that I do. They have motivated me and given me such purpose to keep going, for them. Living with a disability there are so many days I would have said, “I just can’t do this today,” but because of them, I did not say that. So, of course, I worry that without them here, my physical motivation will dwindle.
Because I fear that will happen, the past few years, I have built new things into my life that give me purpose and will keep me motivated to carry on as well as I can. Advocating for those with disabilities is certainly a passion of mine, and one that will always be needed. There are so many ways to advocate for people living with disabilities, I cannot possibly do them all. Even though I would like to. Recently, adding to my advocating efforts, I joined the Noblesville Advisory Council on Disabilities. I look forward to working with other passionate advocates to implement improvements for the disabled community in my hometown!
Preparing our hearts to go in step with our realities does not always happen at the same pace. Somehow, the heart often lags, longing for what once was, afraid of the unknown. I do not think I will ever lose that pang of longing in my gut when I think about the past and raising my boys with my husband. Those were some incredible years, no doubt. Not always easy, but worth every moment. I look forward to continuing to encourage my boys and help them along their college journey. My role as mom changing again. Supporting from afar and making those occasional visits to take them to lunch.
Looking forward to new things and encouraging my heart to catch up over the next few months with my reality of a soon-to-be empty nest.
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.