Last week I talked about how the mental load creeps into our vacations and hobbies. But what about the millions of people who often can’t enjoy either? I’m talking about all the caregivers out there taking care of elderly parents, special needs children, or spouses with poor health.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that the mental labor for these folks is stressful. Caregiving is often rewarding and wonderful, and I personally wouldn’t have had it any other way with my mom. But it sometimes made my head spin. I know there are a lot of other women in my shoes.
Women provide most of the informal care to spouses, parents, parents-in-law, friends, and neighbors. They play many roles while caregiving – hands-on health provider, care manager, friend, companion, surrogate decision-maker, and advocate. I’ve seen men play this role as well, including my brothers-in-law who did such an amazing job of caring for their parents during the last few years of their lives.
I am fortunate that Mom was able to live in a good assisted living facility just five minutes from my home. I was just one of the many “team” members that provided care for her. I know there are millions of individuals who have no choice but to be caregivers on a 24/7 basis.
It is a beautiful role, but it can also take its toll on a person. According to an AARP Public Policy Institute poll, 35 percent of family caregivers view their health as fair to poor.
Finally, let’s look at another way we help others and the mental labor involved – volunteering. I firmly believe giving back to your community and beyond is vital. I’ve served my community in various ways ever since I was in high school, and my kids have been raised to do the same. We’ve volunteered together through Scouting, church, and non-profit activities.
Signing up for projects and showing up to implement them doesn’t require much of a mental load. The work is fun, beneficial to others, and good for the soul. Without “worker bees,” tasks simply wouldn’t be accomplished. It’s valuable service. This is what I currently do for my church. I deliver meals every few months for our Monthly Graced Meals program and I often give readings up at the front of church during mass.
When you move over to the more complicated roles such as serving on a board of directors or a committee, then you’re entering the realm of the mental load. I was a proud member of the Noblesville Main Street Board of Directors and chair of the organization’s design committee. I also served on a committee for one of the individuals running for mayor in Noblesville in 2019.
I was the Vice President of Programming for my local chapter of the Grant Professionals Association. I was able to serve in these capacities thanks to my sons being older and my flexible work schedule.
Those roles worked for me, and I loved them. But they also added to my mental labor. I had to think through and plan the Main Street design committee agenda every month and, of course, lead the meetings.
On the board of directors, I was the “go to” for anything grant related. While I did not write the applications, I was responsible for guiding the director to be successful in these efforts.
As Vice President of Programming for my grant professionals’ group, I oversaw finding speakers and working with the board to plan the dates, times, meals, and locations of monthly meetings. I had help and didn’t do everything alone. This was the strongest local board I’d ever seen, and we often had a lot of fun.
Why did I serve in these higher-level volunteer positions? I didn’t have to. I could have stuck with the one-off projects that give me a great deal of satisfaction and still help others. But I’m a firm believer that I should use the talents that the Lord gave me. The higher-level roles were a great fit for my skills.
Amy Shankland is a writer and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John, two sons, two dogs and a cat. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.