By AMY SHANKLAND
Perfectly Imperfect
Mary didn’t bug me often after that conversation about what I should do regarding the search for my biological parents because she knew about my internal struggle. Mary understood that I didn’t want to hurt my mother. But she planted another seed in me that day that began to grow. And when I read an article in a magazine about a mother and daughter who were reunited thanks to the help of a celebrity by the name of Troy Dunn, I knew what I had to do.
I had seen reruns of Mr. Dunn’s television show, The Locator, after I had minor surgery in 2012. Troy and his team worked together for four seasons to reunite lost relatives, with the backstory and end result shown on TV. Of course, each episode brought me to tears and made me think about my own situation. But I still hadn’t wanted to take the next step.
The magazine talked about the happy reunion and how Mr. Dunn had created something called the Locator Club. This was an online yearly subscription to a site where you could take various webinars and learn how to locate a missing relative on your own. I showed the article to my husband John and asked him how he felt about me spending $99 to join the site.
“You know I’ve always supported you in this,” he said. “You should give it a try and see how things go.”
So in the summer of 2013, I paid the money and became part of the Locator Club. It was great to join a supportive community and chat with other individuals like myself. I started a journal to take notes for each webinar that I watched.
The first thing I learned about was something called a state adoption registry. Most states offer this service, where you can sign up either as an adoptee or birth parent with the hopes of being matched for a reunion. This was a free step for me to do with the State of Indiana, so I signed up right away with the help of Mary notarizing some documents. However, I wasn’t thinking right. I should have registered in the state where I was born, which was Ohio.
Unfortunately, mistakes like this are common. And most of the time state registries don’t bring about reunions. The Locator Club also told me about a nonprofit that offers a similar service. I signed up for this as well.
I learned one important thing NOT to do, and that is to use social media in a search. Like many people, I had seen the pictures that circulated on social media of people holding up signs requesting help in finding their birth family. The club advised me not to go this route, because unfortunately people are bombarded with misinformation most of the time that leads to a lot of heartache.
I also reached out on a forum on the site about the issue with my mother. Troy Dunn’s own mother responded to me.
I completely understand what you are going through, she wrote. Others have faced the same issue. But I want to encourage you to search anyway. While I hope you find something and be reunited with one or both of your birth parents, you may not, and then it will be a moot point.
Her words helped, so I pressed on.
The next thing I learned was to use pieces of non-identifying information to complete my own investigation. Troy listed many possibilities that could shed some light on a flip chart. And, for me, a light was indeed turned on in my mind.