From the Heart
“Grief never ends. But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor lack of faith. It’s the price of love.” – Author unknown
It’s been two months since I held my mom’s hand, for the last time, before she passed.
It’s 7 p.m. Time for Wheel of Fortune. It’s the time, every night, that I always called my mom. She would talk for about 25 minutes and say, “It’s time for Jeopardy. Go watch it with Chuck. I’ll talk to you later.” Never did we say goodbye.
Several times a week I would go to her window to visit with her on the phone. I would put birdseed in her feeder outside her window. Her feeder now hangs outside my kitchen window. I love it when a redbird comes to visit. I know, I just know. It was heaven sent.
I see, on Facebook, the activities that are going on at Prairie Lakes Health Campus. I catch myself thinking, “Oh, Mom would be enjoying that.” I scroll through the pictures. Part of me expects to see her picture. I see pictures of her friends. I know they miss her. I miss her more.
“The pain of grief is an ache in your heart that fills the empty place where the love lived that you had for your loved one. The love is still there; it just has no place to go so it leaks down your cheeks.” – Janet Hart Leonard
I am doing well and then a memory comes up on Facebook. Memories of my wedding, February 23, 2014, showed up this week. Mom was radiant with joy as I married the man for whom she had prayed. The man who would be here for me after she was no longer here.
She had worried about me being alone. God heard her prayers and answered them above and beyond what she ever expected. Chuck was the answer to her prayers. (Mine too.)
I turn the page in my planner and see March 14. It would have been her 95th birthday. I will take her flowers … to her grave. I’ll sing “Jesus Loves Me,” the first song she taught me. And … I will wipe tears.
A few nights ago, I had a dream. I rarely remember my dreams but this one I will never forget. In this dream she was standing beside me, holding my hand. We were at her funeral.
She whispered to me, “Janet, don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I will see you again. You will find me sitting at the feet of Jesus.” She squeezed my hand and then she disappeared.
I woke up with such a beautiful feeling of peace. I truly believe it was a gift from God.
I know my mom is in heaven. I will see her again someday … and I know right where she will be.
I know this grief journey has no destination nor does it have an end. It’s the price of love … and it’s worth every tear.
With time, the journey will get easier, but the grief will always be there. How do I know? Because the love will always be there.