The invisible cape

I see her wearing the cape. It’s not a cape she pulls out of her closet. It is invisible. She wears it every day, 24/7.

Only those who have worn the cape can recognize it. They understand its strength and its beauty. They have been caregivers.

She is given the assignment. She will have many questions that no one seems to be able to answer. She will question her decisions … over and over again. Will she feel it is ever enough that she can do? No. She has to learn to do her best and know that’s all she can do.

I was shopping at Horton’s Home and Garden in Tipton when I found this book, Prayers of Hope for Caregivers. Oh, my goodness. I wish I had this book when I was caring for my mother. The author, Sarah Forgave, writes about how it feels to be a caregiver. She has worn the cape.

As I read the list of chapters, I felt checkmarks being checked. Been there. Done that. Felt that.

When you become a caregiver …

You look around, and everyone seems to be living their life as if nothing is wrong. You, however, are over here trying to figure out how to navigate a life that is out of your control.

You cannot control what you are not equipped to control. Read that again. You try to do the next right thing … whatever that is.

You walk into the bathroom, grip the sink counter, and stare into the mirror. The lady looking back at you looks tired and sad. You smile. That smile is a liar. It tells the world you are OK when you are anything but OK.

Your to-do list consists of things you need to do and things you no longer have the time to do. That “normal” life you were living is no longer your normal. There are not enough hours in the day. You are in caregiver survival mode.

Now, everything you do revolves around a new schedule, a new worry, and not being able to make it all better.

You question the decisions you have made. You question things that don’t have answers.

You question your sanity, strength, and ability to navigate the unchartered days ahead. Your vessel (body) is battered, and your heart is worry-worn.

Watching someone you love who is hurting is brutal. If only love could make them better. Sigh … if only.

You’re on a rollercoaster of emotions. You know the weight of the world because you are holding it. You pray for strength for the day.

You wrap the cape around you at night, hoping it will comfort you while you sleep. Heroes need their sleep. Yes, my friend, you are a hero. You tighten the cape around your shoulders every morning as if you are going into battle … because you are.

You are covered with the guilt of “not enough.” Nothing you do seems enough because you cannot make it all better.

Have you ever walked into a room and it looked like a tornado had gone through? That is the life of a caregiver. Nothing is in its proper place. You are scrambling to pick up the pieces of a life ravaged by events you never saw coming.

Yes, I’ve worn the cape. I never felt like a hero. I was doing what a loving daughter would do and … I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I was honored to be my mom’s caregiver, and it was an honor to wear the cape.

I pray that every caregiver can have the strength they need while wearing the cape. May they understand that they can’t make it all better, but they can make it easier for the person they are caring for. Your best is enough.

Someday, I may again put on the cape. It would be an honor to wear it. Love allows you the honor. There is beauty in the invisible cape. I’ve come to recognize its beauty.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.