From the Heart
The most powerful word to say is … NO. The most difficult word to say is … NO.
For years I struggled with saying that word when I was asked to do something.
A favor. A committee to be on. A job to do. A position that needed filled.
I sometimes felt that I was on speed dial with the number that said, “Janet will do it.”
I found myself juggling schedules like they were spinning plates.
If it was possible, I would have bumped my own nose as much as I met myself coming and going.
I was exhausted.
I eventually realized that I was not doing the best job with anything I was doing. I was physically, mentally and emotionally burnt out after burning the wick at both ends and a few more in-between.
My being overwhelmed wasn’t fair to the job. My being overworked wasn’t fair to my family. Most of all, my being overscheduled, wasn’t fair to me.
I decided to no longer to say “yes” without a lot of thought and sometimes prayer.
Then I had to figure out how to say “no.” Not easily done when you are a people pleaser.
I lost sleep figuring out how to explain my declining their offer or recommendation. I never even considered just saying “no.”
I became consumed with what people would say and think about me.
I heard, “But you always,” “But you would do so well,” and the worst, “I can’t believe you aren’t willing to help.”
I knew exactly what being controlled, manipulated and guilted felt like. I also knew that a compliment could be used as bait.
It took a while before I realized saying “no” did not diminish who I was but allowed me to do a better job with the things I truly felt called to do.
I also learned to delegate. Was that easy? Um, no. I would see how something was done and I would think, “Oooh, they should have done it this way” or “I would have done that differently.” But guess what? All fell into place and I slept so much better.
At the end of a very thin thread I found me. I found that I was healthier and happier. I found that my family was happier with me.
It has gotten easier to not say “yes” after all these years.
What I became aware of was that my value did not come from always saying “yes” but to saying “yes” to what really mattered … to me.
I’ve learned to respond by thanking the person for thinking of me, and give a very short reason for my saying “no.” I found that I do not have to give a list of reasons. I would sometimes say, “I just don’t feel that I can do the job justice.”
I also learned that if they start the guilt trip with me, I just tell them that the trip is too expensive at this time. I explain that the cost to my physical and mental health is too great.
If they persist, I simply tell them, “Sorry my answer is still no, but thank you again.” End of conversation.
You can be polite but firm.
It’s been a long road to where I am today in the school of when to say “no.” I enjoy what I say yes to do. I am loving being a cheerleader for those who are in the jobs and positions they are in. I know the power of a sincere compliment.
If you have not read the book by John Townsend, Boundaries, I highly recommend it. It will help you to take control of your life.
Sometimes the most courage you will ever need is to say “no.” There is power in that word. Seize the power! Say the word! Do it for yourself and those who love you.