The long wait has paid off! My loyal readers are in for a real treat. On a glorious morning in April 2024, I unleashed an award-winning piece titled, “Stuff that annoys me, part 1.” At the end of the column, I teased a part 2, so of course, ever since then I’ve been bombarded with millions of emails asking me what else annoys me.
Well, now is that time to share my wisdom.
Okay, so the column wasn’t exactly award-winning, unless you count the cookie I treated myself to after writing it. And I guess I didn’t really get millions of emails, but I think my wife might have mentioned something to me once. I guess what I should actually start with is how annoying it is to have a part 1, tease a part 2, and then not write it for a year and a half. But, whatever. I have some more stuff that annoys me, so here we go!
Have you ever been at a Mexican restaurant and someone at a table next to you, who is clearly not Hispanic, orders in Spanish? They will then proceed to look at the wait staff as if to say, “Aren’t you impressed with my broken Spanish skills?” The answer is no, no they aren’t. My eye roll nearly knocks my table over every time.
This next one is in the same general category, but a bit different. This can go down as things that used to annoy me, but don’t anymore because I find myself doing it now, so therefore it’s okay. I used to be annoyed at people who use chopsticks. Everyone has seen the fork and are aware they are far superior to chopsticks. However, now I find myself using them when I eat sushi. So, it’s cool now! Although, when I use them, the food rarely ends up in my mouth. I’m still trying to master the skill of chopsticks now that I’ve officially deemed it ok for all to use them.
Switching gears a bit, there is a phrase that has bugged me for a long time. I think it is finally phasing out, but I still hear it from time to time. It always made me wonder why at any time in history, was the correct retort to a statement, “I know, right?” Once that took off and was immediately overused, it drove me crazy. Why are we bringing back the “Valley Girl?” Eventually it was shortened to just, “Right?” which annoys me even more, because now we’re just being lazy.
Sticking with phrases, here’s one for you … “to make a long story short.” Have you ever in your life heard this phrase, and then the story was in fact short? I think not. If you hear someone say this, there are only two possible outcomes. Either the story was already running long, and this phrase was used to wrap things up, or the story still has at least 10 minutes to go before finishing. There is no other scenario. So, if you ever say, “to make a long story short,” I already know it’s a lie and I am doneskies.
This one is typically social media-related. Someone will post a picture of something and attach the phrase, “So, I did a thing today.” Just typing those words, I puked in my mouth a little. This kind of goes along with the “I know, right?” crowd. No one cares about your Live Laugh Love ankle tattoo, Becky.
I would like to continue with the social media theme here. I’m not a fan when people title themselves on social media as an “influencer.” I understand that this term has, I guess, become an actual job title for some who run their own social media page as their main source of income. And yes, I’m aware some people have been quite successful with this. But what annoys me is regular everyday people who call themselves influencers. They will typically list this title just above their pronouns.
I can’t believe that anyone at any point in time has been “influenced” by influencers, but I’m guessing I would be frighteningly incorrect about that.
Well, I think I have successfully p’d off enough people for this round of annoying things. Don’t worry, I have plenty left in my bag of tricks (teaser!). I will try my best to do part 3 sometime before the end of the 2020s. Until then, I’ll try not to do anything annoying.
The moral of the story is … it’s annoying when people complain, like I just did for an entire column. To be continued … sometime in the next few years.
Tim Rathz can be reached at 40somethinginfishers@gmail.com. Follow on Facebook or Instagram.
Great article Tim!