A few weeks ago, I was once again headed to my regular neurology appointment. I dread those appointments because it’s a hike from the car to the office. Often, I have someone with me and use my scooter.
Occasionally, I like to prove to myself that I can still do it on my own. I’m stubborn like that. I can do it, but gosh it’s so difficult.
Sometimes, I start to count my steps to take my mind off the sheer difficulty of what it takes me to get up there. One, two, three, four, five and then I often get distracted and think of something else. “Don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip,” I silently repeat.
This most recent time, I thought to myself, how ironic is it that the thing I want most in life and fight the hardest for every darn day, which is to keep walking, is also the most difficult thing for me physically? Why don’t I just throw in the towel completely? It’s a crazy mind game. Yet, I can’t help but be grateful I can do it. I’m fortunate.
Usually, on the walk up to the office, I pass others who are in a similar situation to me. We lock eyes as we pass by one another, and it seems like a hundred unspoken words are shared in that fleeting moment. As if to say to each other. “I get you. I know how hard this is.” And for some reason, that gives me the strength to get to my destination on the third floor. Once I’m at the check-in desk, I feel like I’ve crossed the finish line of a marathon, except no one is waiting for me at the end to say, “good job!” and hang a medal around my neck. It’s then not lost on me that I must do it all again on the way back down. Back-to-back marathons.
I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m beyond grateful for the ability and independence.
The mental strength I get each time I accomplish something that most people wouldn’t bat an eye at is unmatched. What else is going to keep me going? Accomplishing hard things makes us stronger. It’s never easy, but in my experience, it is always worth it. Our challenges in life are largely what form us as individuals. It’s not the easy things. It’s the difficult things. As frustrating as it is, I just think there is a lot of truth in that. For me anyway, and I imagine many of you can relate.
Sharing vulnerabilities birthed from our weaknesses produces great strength. Being vulnerable is intimidating. Sometimes, I almost let that hold me back, but then I remember how much I needed someone like me when I was growing up. There are many who are disabled in the same way as I am. They need someone, too. If I can be an example to a younger person of what it can look like to successfully navigate life with a disability into the adult years, then I need to do it. To me, it’s an act of service. Helping a fellow human being who may need a lifeline.
Much of my life I spent trying to make myself small and didn’t want to be seen as my true self. I’m not willing to live like that or do that to myself anymore. Let’s try to see people just as they are and respect them. Most people have more than they can handle on their plates. Let’s try and just accept one another right where we are.
We are each strong in our own ways because of our weaknesses. Let them shine!
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.