From the Heart
“When you keep criticizing your kids, they don’t stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.” Let that sink in.
I read those words this week and they resounded over and over in my mind. I don’t know who wrote them but we need to read them … and read them again.
I’ve sat across the table from a girlfriend as she shared the heartache that she has carried for over 50 years because of the words of her mother. She has finally been able to forgive her but she still hears them in her heart.
I’ve listened to a child, almost grown, share his heart as he told of what his parent said about him. It was not pretty. He was compared to the other parent, who was hated. What was that telling him?
I’ve heard a dad telling his son as he shoved him into the family minivan, “You should have tried harder, you should have known what needed to be done, you embarrassed your mother and I.” What he heard was, “You are not good enough. I’m sorry you are my child.”
The words of a parent can so quickly change the way children feel about themselves. A parent may not break the bones of a child but they can break the spirit of that child.
“You’ll never be good enough.” “You are just like your mother.” “You act just like your father.” “How dare you embarrass me?” “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
The loudest voices a child hears on or off the ball field or court is that of the parents. Many a child has incurred more defeat by the voice of a parent than at the hands of an opponent at a ballgame.
When children are questioned about doing their best, they question their own value. They hear that doing their best will never be good enough.
Being ridiculed or criticized hurts a child’s heart to the very quick. That quick stays tender for the rest of their lives.
Words of cruelty echo through the mind of a child over and over. The halls of the mind can be a dark evil place that the child struggles to escape. No doors open. They are all locked.
No amount of time or therapy can totally erase the damage that the words of a parent have done to a child.
Our children are a gift. Don’t damage that gift. Handle it with care.
Let your words build up the self-esteem of a child. Let them know that they matter and that they are loved … UNCONDITIONALLY.
A child needs to hear the pride in your voice when you talk about them. A child needs to hear acceptance even when they screw up … and they will.
Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment. Hold your tongue when you feel anger or frustration towards your child.
Many a child has been criticized so much that they fail to try anything new for fear of failure. They fear disappointing their parents.
Many a child has been so wounded that they carry those wounds to harm the next generation and the next.
Stop the cycle of hurt. Stop it … just stop it.