Sandwiched
As I wrote last week, my childhood best friend, also named Amy, died unexpectedly just a few weeks ago. We were best friends from infancy until I was 16 then reunited in our mid-20s. I’m sure that made some readers wonder – if we were such close friends, why did things come to a halt when we were 16?
I wish I could say that one of us moved or that we simply drifted apart, but sadly, the end of our friendship came about because of a stupid fight – one that I can barely remember the details of. This fight not only tore us apart, but our families as well.
Sadly, I know our story is not uncommon. I grew up never getting to know an uncle and his family because of an argument over, of all things, a bracelet. It seems like every person I’ve talked to since Amy died has had a similar story.
People, we’ve got to do better. Why do we let a beautiful relationship, filled with years of kindness and goodness flowing both ways, suddenly stop over ONE stupid, bad thing? I’m not talking about something heinous, just thoughtless.
When I taught the Dale Carnegie course years ago, we discussed that it’s human nature to focus on the one bad thing. For example, when a student is doing a worksheet with 20 math problems but gets one wrong, we’re quick to jump on them and point it out. We often ignore the 19 correct ones. We need to remember the hard work and effort they gave to those and praise and focus on them first.
I think we need to apply this concept to our relationships. Yes, people do hurt us, but if we think about it, we’ve hurt others as well. I look back on those I’ve hurt with my thoughtlessness and my heart just aches. I wish I could take back my actions. While I’ve apologized or tried to make it up them, I know all I can do now is pray that they have truly forgiven me and that they are happy and doing well.
Amy and I were lucky. My niece Melissa became friends with her sister Caroline in high school and they worked on a project together that brought them to Indianapolis. Our families gradually started talking to one another. Soon Amy and I had lunch at Olive Garden in Mishawaka and shared apologies and old stories. My mom and her grandmother Rita became friends again as well.
While I’ve been sad to have lost her these past few weeks, I would have been utterly devastated had we not patched things up all those years ago. I’ll be attending her celebration of life in South Bend at the end of this month and will be among friends vs. enemies. I’ve thanked God every day that we reunited when we did. She became an incredible woman who touched the lives of many and I’m proud to have called her my friend.