By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Hart
If laughter is the best medicine, you may get a good dose of it today.
It’s a sunny day and I just had quite the workout. I am not at the gym but at home.
I put on a new sports bra. Well, let’s just say I attempted to do so.
I’m sweating. I’m exhausted. I think I pulled something in my back.
Whoever created the sports bra should have recommended it for young women only. Anyone on Social Security should be advised to “try” at your own risk.
I took the risk.
I wrestled it over my head and as I pulled the front over my “girls,” I think I heard the back side of the bra say, “I’m not going any farther.” It was stuck at my neck.
My “girls” were being lifted higher than they had been in years. They were caught in limbo.
I struggled to catch my breath as I wrangled with the back of the bra. I kept hugging my arms around my back. I looked in the mirror and vaguely remembered a yoga pose similar to that. It was not a pretty sight. I attempted to do yoga breathing … I couldn’t.
When a woman reaches a certain age, gravity is no longer her friend. I reached that age quite a few years ago. Whenever I show cleavage, I show my midriff.
I finally wiggled my fingers to the bottom of the back of the bra. I was in quite the wrestling match. I got it down. Whew. I struggled to catch my breath.
Sweat puddled in the valley.
I was being held hostage by a sports bra.
Sports bras are to be worn to reduce pain and discomfort caused by breast movement. It is said that the sports bra keeps you from having to rearrange your breasts. My girls were promising to behave if I just allowed them to swing free and be released from this contortionist’s contraption.
I wrestled it over my head and the “girls” fell to their old 66-year-old position. I think I sprained them. My back hurt down to my tailbone, which struggles to stay in place per my chiropractor. How am I going to explain to him that it went out while putting on my bra?
I apologize to my “girls” and tell them I will never put them through this again. NEVER.
Oh, my goodness. Well, so much for my wearing a sports bra. I hope my granddaughter, Emma, appreciates what I went through to give her a surprise gift.
BTW, true fact: the first sports bra was designed by using two jockstraps. Seriously, I can’t make this stuff up.
I hope you enjoyed your dose of medicine. You know I paid dearly for it.
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.