Social hermit crab

It’s funny how life happens gradually but seems to go by so quickly. We grow and get a little older and wiser. Well, definitely older. The wiser part doesn’t necessarily come for all people, but that’s another column for another day.

It seems like yesterday I was a 20-something who could stay up late and do all the sometimes fun, sometimes stupid things that people do at that age. Somewhere along the way, I acquired more responsibility (i.e., wife, kids, dogs, house, good job) and became a 40-something.

This is by no means a complaint. I much prefer my 40s to my 20s. I don’t often look back on my “glory days” because as far as I’m concerned, I’m living them now. But there is no doubt I was a very different person back then.

In my 20s I went to all the parties, sporting events, reunions, and gatherings. I’d say I was considered to be what some call a “social butterfly.” However, since I’m a knuckle dragging, chest beating man, I’d prefer to be called a “social dragonfly.” Or maybe more like a “social 007-hulk-skywalker-superfly.”

Nowadays I consider myself to be more of a “social hermit crab.”

In my extensive, top-of-page-one Google search, I found that hermit crabs are not true crabs; they are a type of decapod crustacean more closely related to squat lobsters and porcelain crabs, belonging to the infraorder Anomura, while true crabs belong to the infraorder Brachyura (thank you, AI Overview!).

While I have no clue what that means, or even how to pronounce half of it, I believe what it’s telling me is that hermit crabs are crabs that have grown older and wiser and no longer like large crowds, which is exactly what I’ve become.

In my heyday, I would go to at least five concerts every summer at Deer Creek, which will forever be what I call that venue. While only the top half a percent could possibly afford that today, I still wouldn’t be interested in going to that many events because I might accidentally see other humans. Plus, I get anxious just thinking about the parking and traffic.

I have nothing against Deer Creek, nor is that by any means the only place or event I’m talking about. It’s actually a really fun place to be. I just prefer to not be within 20 to 30 feet (possibly yards) of other people that I don’t know anymore. And no, it’s not about germs or anything like that. I just enjoy living my hermit crab life with my own crustacean family and friends.

I, of course, have some exceptions to the crab-life rule, with the Indy 500 being at the top of that list. I know it sounds completely hypocritical to say I hate crowds, but I love cramming myself in the middle of hundreds of thousands of complete strangers for several hours every year. This will always be an unexplainable anomaly. And I do enjoy going to an occasional sporting event, show or concert, so I guess I’m not entirely crab-like.

Technology and service today is fantastic for someone like me. I can do a click-list order at Kroger, Amazon delivery, or curbside pickup just about anywhere else. I have somehow spent thousands of dollars at Target without having actually stepped inside one for seven years.

To me, there’s nothing better than a night at home with my wife, kids, family, or a few close friends, eating food that I grilled with no wait and getting a beer from my fridge without having to leave a tip. Not to mention the wait time for the bathroom is completely non-existent.

The moral of the story is … When your flying insect days are over, you still have a whole ocean to look forward to.

Tim Rathz can be reached at 40somethinginfishers@gmail.com. Follow on Facebook or Instagram.