She’s listening

I saw a quote when scrolling the other day that was meant for mothers of daughters. It said many times our daughters grow up hearing how much they look like their mothers, and it said be very careful how you talk about yourself because that same daughter who is constantly told she looks like you is listening to how you speak about yourself.

This is the time of year when we are all thinking ahead to what the new year will bring and the goals that we have for ourselves. It’s easy after the holiday slump to feel like our jeans are a bit tighter than they were before being home with too many Christmas cookies. I know for myself, I’ve had to make a deliberate effort to not speak poorly about my physical appearance in front of my daughter. I used to be one of those people that if complimented, I would brush it off and say something that I still needed to work on about myself. What I realize is that my daughter does look like me. Even though I don’t look in the mirror and think, “Wow, I’m absolutely beautiful,” I look at my daughter and think she’s stunning.

When I look in the mirror, I go to my flaws. Most women do. I look if my skin is uneven, notice any weight I’ve gained, fixate on the things that I need to change about myself physically. My daughter sees it is her mom, and she thinks I’m beautiful. She thinks I’m as beautiful as I think she is.

I make a point to try and not ever talk about losing weight in front of her, but place the emphasis on being healthy, so I have energy and feel good.

My hope for her one day is that she doesn’t let society take hold of her and dictate her worth by the size of her jeans or if a boy complimented her physical appearance. I hope that she sees a mom who tries to be healthy and when complimented, says, “Thank you!” I hope she doesn’t need the compliment because she will already know and believe she’s beautiful and not rely on the words of others to provide her confidence. I hope she eats well and works out because it gives her energy to be a good mom and wife one day. I hope she doesn’t place her value on what the scale says or the size of jeans she’s wearing.

I hope that I also remember that no matter how I feel about myself she is always listening. She’s hearing the way I speak about myself, and one day, her own daughter will do the same. I want to speak in a way about myself that I would want her to speak of herself one day in front of her own little girl.

Megan Rathz is a wife, mother, and teacher. She says everything she has ever learned in life came from her Master Gardener mother.